Why the Word “Should” Will Keep You Stuck in 2026
This episode is for you if the start of a new year has brought up quiet pressure instead of clarity. If thoughts like “I should be further along,” “I should be doing more,” or “I should want this by now” keep looping in your head, this conversation is meant for you. Those thoughts rarely feel motivating. They usually feel heavy, discouraging, and disconnecting, even when you are genuinely trying.
In this episode, I walk you through why the word “should” tends to show up so strongly during transitions like a new year, and how it quietly pulls you into comparison, unrealistic expectations, and self-doubt. We talk about where those thoughts actually come from, how they affect your relationship with your body and your goals, and how to begin choosing habits and directions that feel supportive instead of draining. This is about moving into 2026 with more self-trust, clarity, and intention.
Here is what you will learn:
• Why “should” is often rooted in external expectations
• How living by obligation creates constant self-criticism
• Why “should” disconnects you from what you truly want
• How your body signals when something feels misaligned
• How shifting your language can change how you show up
If this episode resonated, you may also enjoy:
Episode 90: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself About Your New Years Resolution
Transcript
(0:00) Hey, hey, beautiful human. Can I steal five minutes of your time? I have something (0:04) super important to share with you, but I promise I'll be really quick. (0:08) You're listening to my weekly bonus episode of Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter.
(0:13) I'm about to give you a quick tip for building your confidence, honoring your body, and (0:17) unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned if you're ready to embrace your real. (0:22) Let's get in.
Let's go. Hello, and welcome back to another bonus episode. (0:35) Let me ask you something before we get started.
As we step into this new year in 2026, (0:41) have you noticed how quickly those old thoughts try to sneak back in? Like thoughts like, (0:45) man, I really should be further along by now, or I should be doing better, or I should want this, (0:50) but I don't. And instead of those thoughts motivating you, they just leave you feeling (0:54) heavy, feeling frustrated, or just like you're already behind before the year has already (0:59) even begun, even though you're genuinely trying. If that sounds familiar, (1:04) this bonus episode is especially for you as we move into 2026.
(1:09) I really want to be clear about something continuing to lead your life with the word (1:13) should is not how you're going to set yourself up for success in this new year. It's not about how (1:18) you build consistency, confidence, or self-trust, right? And it is definitely not how you are going (1:23) to create a relationship with your body and your goals that feel supportive and sustainable. (1:27) Should might sound responsible on the surface, but over time, it really does disconnect you (1:33) from yourself.
And it keeps you stuck in this comparison pressure and having these unrealistic (1:38) expectations. It quietly convinces you that whatever you're doing right now is just never (1:42) quite enough. And that is not the energy that we are going to be bringing in 2026.
So I'm going to (1:47) be giving you this big sister talk, okay? Or even if I'm younger than you, I'm just giving you a (1:52) sister to sister talk. And so in today's bonus episode, I really just want to walk you through (1:57) a few important reminders that will help you recognize when should is running the show of (2:02) your life and why it feels so draining and how you can begin making choices that actually support (2:07) you as you move into this next season with more clarity, with more confidence and with more (2:12) intention. All right, I'm just going to dive right into it.
Number one, most of the time should is (2:18) not your voice. I want to start with something really important because most of the time when (2:22) you say I should, you are actually not listening to your own wants or needs. Instead, you are (2:27) repeating expectations that you've absorbed over time from other people.
Those expectations (2:32) might come from your parents or society, maybe from diet culture or from social media, or even (2:38) this old version of yourself that no longer fits who you are today. When you say things like I (2:43) should be further along, or I should look different by now, or I should be doing what she is doing, (2:48) it's worth pausing and asking yourself where that thought is really coming from, because more (2:52) often than not, should is not rooted in your intuition. It is rooted in comparison, in pressure, (2:59) or a timeline that was never yours to begin with.
And when you try to live your life according to (3:04) expectations you did not choose, it makes complete sense when you feel overwhelmed, disconnected, (3:09) or like nothing you do is ever enough. And that does not mean that something is wrong with you. (3:14) It means that you are trying to live a life that was designed by someone else.
Number two, (3:19) living in should will always make you feel like you are failing. Here is one of the biggest problems (3:25) with measuring your life through the lens of should. You will never feel like you're winning.
(3:31) There will always be another standard you think you should meet, another milestone you believe (3:36) you should have reached by now, or another version of yourself you feel pressured to become. You can (3:42) be working hard, you can be showing up consistently, making real progress, and still feel like it is (3:47) not enough. And that feeling does not come from a lack of effort.
It comes from chasing a finish (3:52) line that you never chose. And over time, living this way creates this constant sense of disappointment (3:59) with yourself. You look at your body and think it should look different by now.
You look at your (4:04) routine and think you should be more disciplined. You look at your life and think, I should feel (4:08) happier. That mindset does not inspire growth or confidence.
It slowly drains your energy and (4:14) pulls you further away from recognizing how far you've actually come. Number three, should slowly (4:21) disconnects you from what you actually want. When you're living in should for long enough, (4:27) something really important happens without you even realizing it.
You stop knowing what you want. (4:33) Someone might ask you what sounds fun, what feels supportive, or what you actually need right now, (4:38) and you genuinely do not know how to answer that. And that's because you've spent so much time (4:43) doing what you think you are supposed to do that you have not practiced listening to yourself.
And (4:49) this shows up in the way that you move your body, in the way that you eat, in the way that you rest, (4:53) in the goals that you set for yourself, in the jobs that you're in, whatever it is. Instead of (4:58) asking what feels good for me right now, you ask what should I be doing? When you stop checking in (5:04) with your own needs, your body and your mind will always feel slightly out of sync, and that (5:09) disconnect can lead to burnout, frustration, and a lack of trust in yourself. Number four, your body (5:15) will always tell you when something is coming from should.
One of the clearest signs that something (5:21) is coming from should instead of alignment is how it feels in your body. When you think about doing (5:26) the thing, does it feel heavy before you even start? Does it feel draining instead of supportive? (5:31) Do you notice resentment creeping in afterwards? Those feelings, those are not random. Those are (5:37) feedback.
Your body is incredibly wise, and it is constantly communicating with you, honoring your (5:43) body with movement, nourishment, and rest. That should feel supportive and not punishing. That (5:48) does not mean that everything will always feel easy, but there's a big difference between something (5:53) that challenges you and something that constantly depletes you.
If you feel dread or guilt or (5:59) resentment around a habit or expectation, it is worth asking whether you are doing it because you (6:04) want to or whether you feel like you have to do it. Last but not least, number five, you are allowed (6:10) to choose differently. This is one of the most important reminders I want you to hear.
You are (6:16) allowed to want something different. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to (6:20) take a different path.
You are allowed to move at your own pace, even if that pace looks nothing like (6:25) someone else's. Choosing yourself does not make you lazy. It does not make you unmotivated.
It (6:30) makes you honest. When you begin shifting your language from I should to I choose, you get to (6:36) take your power back. Saying I choose to move my body because it supports my mental health or I (6:41) choose rest because my body needs it brings you back into trust with yourself.
From that place, (6:48) growth becomes sustainable and your habits begin to support you rather than control you. (6:52) All right. Now, before we wrap up this episode, I want to just quickly recap the five reminders (6:57) that we talked about so that you can kind of wrap it up in a little bow.
Or if you write notes on (7:02) your notes app, you can write these down or just mental notes so that you can kind of take the big (7:07) feet, that big kind of key takeaways here. Number one, most of the time, the word should is not (7:13) actually your voice. It's coming from an external expectation that you've absorbed over time, (7:18) not from what you truly want or need.
Number two, living your life based on should will always make (7:24) you feel like you're failing even when you're working hard and making progress because you're (7:27) measuring yourself against standards that you never chose to begin with. Number three, the (7:32) longer you live in should, the more disconnected you become from what you actually want, which (7:36) makes it harder to trust yourself and listen to your own needs. Number four, your body will always (7:42) give you signals when something is coming from obligation rather than alignment, oftentimes (7:47) showing up as heaviness, resentment, or exhaustion.
And last but not least, number five, you are allowed (7:53) to choose differently. You are allowed to change your mind. You're allowed to move at your own pace (7:58) and you're allowed to build a life that feels supportive and true to you.
This week, I want you (8:03) to simply just pay attention to your language. When you hear yourself saying should, I want you to pause (8:09) and ask yourself what you actually need in that moment. And that awareness alone can be incredibly (8:15) powerful.
If you love this episode, I know you'll also love episode 95, questions to ask yourself (8:21) about your new year's resolution. That is kind of an OG episode. I did it a few years ago, but I still (8:26) think that it's very relevant to us as we are in January and really just still thinking about kind (8:32) of how we want the year to go and kind of reframing our mindset there.
So I will go out and link that (8:37) in the show notes that you can easily go check that out. But that is all that I have for today's (8:41) bonus episode. Thanks so much for tuning in.
I love you so much, and I'll talk to you in the next one. (8:56) All right, sister, that's all I got for you today. But I have two things that I need you to do.
(9:03) First thing, if you are not already following me on the gram, be sure to do so. Julie A. Ledbetter, (9:08) yes, it's with an A in the middle, for that daily post-workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks, (9:14) and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing, be sure to subscribe (9:19) to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode.
Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute (9:26) world, and I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met (9:31) in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically (9:37) themselves.
Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface, (9:42) so go out there and embrace it real, because you're worth it.