3 Things I Wish I Knew About Tying My Identity to My Appearance

 

Hey hey beautiful human!

I want to talk about something I spent way too much of my life doing without even realizing how much it was affecting me.

And that is…letting the mirror decide how I felt about myself.

When my jeans fit right, I felt confident. When I liked what I saw, I felt good. When workouts were consistent and nutrition felt “on,” I felt like I had my life together.

Then my body would change, my routine would get thrown off, or I would have one of those days where I just did not feel like myself, and suddenly my confidence felt like it changed too.

And sister, that is a lot of power to give to your appearance.

I do not want other women to spend years believing their confidence has to rise and fall with their reflection. I do not want you to think a bad body image day means you are failing, or that changing your body is the only way to finally feel secure in who you are.

That is why in this episode of Embrace Your Real, we are talking about three things I wish I knew sooner about tying my identity to the way I look, and how to care about your body without letting your body become the thing that tells you who you are.

What’s Discussed:

  • Why confidence becomes fragile when it depends on appearance

  • How much power we can accidentally give to the mirror

  • How fitness, routines, and body goals can become tied to identity

  • Why your worth cannot be decided by a workout, a jean size, or the scale

  • How to work on your body without making your body your worth

  • Why taking care of your body can be part of healing your relationship with yourself

Taking care of your body, moving it, fueling it, and treating it with respect can be part of that healing too. That is exactly what the Movement With Julie app is there to support. Head to movementwithjulie.com to learn more.

If you loved this episode, you will also love Episode 338: To the Woman Obsessing About What Her Body Looks Like…It is the perfect next listen if you are ready to keep untangling your worth from the way your body looks and start building a healthier relationship with the person you see in the mirror.

If you want more from me, be sure to check out…

Transcript

(0:00) Hey, hey beautiful human. Can I steal five minutes of your time? I have something super important to share with you, (0:06) but I promise I'll be really quick. You're listening to my weekly bonus episode of Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter.

(0:13) I'm about to give you a quick tip for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally loving your authentic self. (0:19) Stay tuned if you're ready to Embrace Your Real. Let's get it, let's go.

(0:33) Hello and welcome back to another bonus episode on the Embrace Your Real podcast. (0:37) I want to have a quick conversation with you today about something that I personally spent way too much my life doing, (0:42) and that was placing my identity and my appearance. I think so many of us do this without even realizing it.

(0:47) We feel confident when our genes fit the way that we want them to, when we like what we see in the mirror, (0:52) or when we've just, you know, been really consistent with our workouts and nutrition, (0:56) but then our body changes, or our routine gets thrown off, or we just simply have one of those days where we do not feel our best. (1:02) And suddenly the way that we feel about ourselves changes too. (1:04) I wish I had realized so much sooner how much power I was personally giving my appearance over my identity.

(1:11) And so today I want to share three things that I wish I had understood about this earlier. (1:15) Before we dive in though, I want to share this review. She said, (1:17) I love how you mix health and mindset and spirituality.

It helps me look at it from a place of love. (1:23) I love this so much. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to send in this review.

(1:27) Yeah, my goal here is to always either empower, educate, or encourage you in some way, shape, or form. (1:32) We talk about movement, mindset, faith, all the different things, nutrition. (1:37) I think that it's so important to have a well-rounded kind of just conversation about all of these things, (1:42) because they all are so important, and they all encompass true health and wellness, (1:48) and honoring our body, and really embracing our real.

(1:51) All right, we're just going to dive right into it. (1:52) So number one, I wish I knew how fragile confidence becomes when it depends on your appearance. (1:57) So when your confidence is built around how you look, (2:00) you are building it around something that is constantly changing, (2:04) like your weight's going to fluctuate, your clothes will fit differently, (2:07) your hair changes, your skin changes, your body changes as you get older.

(2:10) And there will be seasons when your workouts and your nutrition looks (2:13) completely different than they do right now. (2:15) If you have decided that looking a certain way is what makes you confident, (2:20) every one of those changes has the power to take some of that confidence away. (2:24) And I used to think that changing my body would finally make me secure in myself.

(2:29) But the problem was that there was always another thing I could focus on. (2:33) There was always something else I could improve or another standard that I could hold myself to. (2:38) And this is why I want you to build your confidence around something deeper.

(2:42) You can love taking care of your body, enjoy getting dressed up, (2:46) have fitness goals, want to look a certain way or feel a certain way, (2:49) while also knowing that none of those things actually determine who you are. (2:54) When you know who you are beyond your appearance, (2:57) a bad body image day can simply just be a bad body image day. (3:01) It doesn't have to change the way that you feel about yourself as a whole.

(3:05) Number two, I wish I knew that changing my body would never answer the question of who I am. (3:10) For so long, I thought so much about what I wanted my body to look like, (3:15) but I spent far less time asking myself who I wanted to actually be. (3:19) And I think that this is such an important distinction (3:22) because your body can become one of the easiest ways to define yourself, (3:25) like you are the fit girl.

(3:27) You're the girl who never misses a workout. (3:29) You're the girl who always eats healthy. (3:31) You're the girl who wears a certain size.

(3:33) And then what happens? (3:34) Life changes and you cannot maintain one of those things. (3:38) If losing that thing makes you feel like you have lost part of yourself, (3:42) you may have placed too much of your identity in that actual specific thing. (3:47) I would much rather you think about the qualities that make you (3:50) who you are regardless of what your body looks like.

(3:54) So maybe you're incredibly loyal, (3:56) maybe you're compassionate or ambitious or funny or generous or resilient, (4:01) or the person who just always shows up when someone you love needs you. (4:05) Those things tell me so much more about you than your jean size (4:09) or your dress size ever could. (4:11) Your appearance is one part of you, (4:13) but it was never meant to carry the responsibility of telling who you actually are.

(4:19) And last but not least, number three, (4:20) I wish I knew that I could work on my body without making my body my worth. (4:25) This is probably the biggest thing that I want you to take away from today's episode (4:28) because I never want you to hear this message (4:30) and think that you are wrong for having body goals. (4:33) You are allowed to want to build muscle.

(4:35) You are allowed to want to lose body fat. (4:37) You're allowed to love your workouts or count your macros (4:39) or wear your makeup or do your hair. (4:41) Enjoy feeling good in your clothes.

(4:43) The difference is in what those things mean about you. (4:47) A missed workout does not mean that you're lazy. (4:49) Eating differently for a weekend does not mean that you have failed.

(4:53) A number on the scale does not tell you whether you should feel confident that day. (4:58) You can pursue a goal because you enjoy taking care of yourself (5:01) without turning the outcome of that goal into proof of whether you are worthy. (5:06) And honestly, I think that there's so much freedom that comes from that.

(5:10) You can work towards changing something without believing. (5:14) You have to change it before you're allowed to like the person that you already are. (5:18) So let me quickly recap the three things I wish I'd known sooner.

(5:22) First, confidence becomes incredibly fragile when it depends on appearance. (5:26) That will inevitably change. (5:28) Second, changing your body will never answer the much bigger question (5:32) of who you are or whose you are, which in my opinion, you are gods.

(5:37) And third, you can absolutely have body goals (5:40) without allowing your body to determine your worth. (5:43) So my challenge for you today is I want you to think of three things (5:47) that you genuinely love about yourself that have nothing to do with your appearance. (5:51) Maybe it's the way that you love people.

(5:53) Maybe it's the way that you make people laugh. (5:55) Maybe it's the way that you show up for your family (5:57) or the way that you just keep going when life gets hard. (6:00) You're perseverant.

(6:01) You're persevering. (6:02) You're resilient. (6:03) Whatever comes to mind, I want you to start strengthening your identity there (6:07) because your body will change throughout your life.

(6:10) But you are so much more than what happens to be looking back at you in the mirror today. (6:15) And that is your reminder for today. (6:17) That you can care about how you look without making how you look (6:21) the reason you believe you are worthy.

(6:24) And taking care of your body, moving it, fueling it, treating it with respect (6:29) is part of healing as well. (6:31) That's exactly why I have my two tools for you. (6:34) I have my Juilliard, which is my dumbbell only workouts, (6:36) and I have my macro kind of made simple, which is my nutrition side of things.

(6:40) I will link both of those so you can go check those out in the show notes below. (6:43) But if this episode hit home, (6:45) I think you will also love episode 338 to the woman obsessing about what her body looks like. (6:51) I will link that in the show notes below so that you can easily go check that out.

(6:54) That is all that I have for today's episode. (6:56) Go be kind to yourself. (6:58) You are incredible.

(6:59) I love you so much. (7:00) I mean it. (7:01) And I'll talk to you in the next one.

(7:12) All right, sister. (7:13) That's all I got for you today. (7:14) But I have two things that I need you to do.

(7:18) First thing, if you are not already following me on the Gram, be sure to do so. (7:22) Julie A. Ledbetter. (7:23) Yes, it's with an A in the middle for that daily post-workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks, (7:29) and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check.

(7:32) The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode. (7:38) Thank you so much for joining me. (7:40) It means the absolute world.

(7:42) And I'm going to leave you with one last thought. (7:44) The most beautiful women that I have met in my life (7:47) are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. (7:54) Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface.

(7:57) So go out there and embrace your real because you're worth it.

 
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