6 Ways to Deal with Loved Ones Not Supporting Your Goals
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When we’re trying to live a healthier, more active lifestyle, the biggest obstacles aren’t always our own willpower or motivation but the pushback we get from our friends and family.
I know you have that friend who always tries to get you to skip your workout or a family member who makes you feel bad for filling your plate up with salad at a family gathering. Most likely these people aren’t trying to be our biggest obstacle when it comes to reaching our goals but, let’s be real, they are.
Obviously, removing them from our lives isn’t an option. So, how can we navigate these relationships to successfully reach our goals? Luckily in this episode of Embrace Your Real, I share six ways you can deal with your loved ones not supporting your goals!
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TRANSCRIPT:
Hey there, beautiful human. You're listening to Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter. a podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I dish you a dose of real talk and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned if you're ready to embrace your real. Let's get and let's go.
Hello and welcome back to the Embrace Your Real Podcast. I am so grateful that you are here spending some time with me today, wherever you are tuning in, whether you're walking, you're jogging, you're cooking, you're cleaning, you are working out, you're doing the dang thing, girl. You are choosing to show up to prioritize yourself, to become the best possible version of yourself to serve others in your best capacity. Now, you know the title of this episode, six ways to deal with the loved ones not supporting your goals.
When we're trying to live a healthier, more active lifestyle, honestly, the biggest obstacles aren't always our own willpower or a lack of motivation, but instead, it's the pushback that we get from our friends and family. When I say this, I know you know exactly what I'm talking about. You have that friend, that coworker that always tries to get you to skip a workout or family member who makes you feel bad for filling your plate with nutrient dense foods at family gatherings.
Most likely these people aren't trying to be our biggest obstacle when it comes to reaching our goals, but let's be real, they are. Obviously, most likely removing them from our lives is not an option. So how can we navigate these relationships to successfully overcome the obstacle and still reach our goals? I want to talk about it. I want to dive into it. But first I have to share this super-sweet review of the day, comes from Kitty8882. She says, "Inspiring and impressive. I followed Julie for years on Instagram and just started listening to her amazing podcast. She is knowledgeable on living a healthy lifestyle and I get inspired by her self-love journey."
Thank you so much for the review. If you haven't already rated and reviewed the podcast, it really does help us out. All you got to do is press pause, scroll down, and you'll see the rate and review. It takes less than 30 seconds. If you can pop over to Apple Podcasts, whether it's on an iPad, on your phone, we have an audacious goal of reaching one million women by the end of 2020, but I cannot do that without you. Thank you in advance. If you do write a review, please screenshot it and DM it to me on Instagram. I love connecting with you guys, I'm personally saying thank you.
All right, so I have six things that you need to do if you want your loved ones to start supporting your goals. If you have the opportunity to write this down on a notepad, on your note section on your phone, these six things will fundamentally change this obstacle when it comes to reaching your goal, and I believe in it. And so be sure to write it down so that you can go through if you are struggling with a friend or family member and having them be that obstacle in you reaching your goal.
Number one, share your why. Now, if you want your friends and family to support your healthy lifestyle, you need to be honest with them. Help them understand why you're doing what you're doing and how important your goals are for your overall happiness. So you might be like, "That's great, but I don't know what my why is." This may be something that you need to think about if you haven't established it already. For most of you, I know that the overall goal for many women is to lose a certain amount of weight or get more toned or get stronger. And while there's nothing wrong with those inherent goals, you need to ask yourself, why are those goals so important for you to reach?
Is it because you want to feel more confident and comfortable in your own skin? Is it because you're tired of feeling crappy all the time and you want to just feel good again? Or is it because you realize how important the health of your body is to the quality of your life? The deeper you can get with your why, the better. When you're fully able to explain your why to your friends and family, no one will be able to argue with you about your choices. But first that starts with you identifying what your why is. No one can argue with you about that because they want you to become the best version of yourself. No one can make you feel guilty for wanting to be healthier or happier if they know that. And no one will want to force anything unhealthy if they know exactly how important this new lifestyle is to you.
I know it can be hard to open up, but I promise the more vulnerable you are and the deeper you dig into your why behind living a healthier lifestyle, the more support you're going to get. And again, it starts with you identifying what your why is. You want to be better in the roles that you play, whether it's a mom, it's a wife, it's a coworker, it's a sister, it's a daughter, whatever the roles are, the various roles that you play throughout your day. Having more energy, being more competent, all of those things, you have to first identify it so that you can then share that with your friends and family.
Number two, ask for their support. Now it's almost like so straightforward that you're like, "Well, duh." But oftentimes I think we want their support, but we forget to even go back to basics and ask for it. Let's say you've shared your why to your friends and family and they still aren't giving you the support you want. You have to ask for it. You can't just assume that they're going to give it to you if you haven't asked. Let them know how much their support means to you and how much it would help you reach your goals. If you're an important person in their lives, then what is important to you will likely be important to them.
But you need to make sure that they understand how important it is for you to gain their support. So when you ask for their support, let them know you don't expect them to join you on your health and fitness journey, but you would appreciate it if they would respect your decision to live a healthier lifestyle. So I know for me on a monthly basis, I set some mini-goals throughout the month. And so this last goal that I shared with Josh is five days a week and the Movement with Julie App. So I honor my body with movement every day for at least 30 minutes, but five days a week I at least want to do either the 30 minute version or the full workout for the app. And I asked Josh to hold me accountable. I ask him to support me and I think it's important when you ask for their support that you have to understand how they can support you.
So yes, broadly asking them, "Hey, can you support me?" Is great. But taking it a step further and having it be more practical will be the most helpful for them. And so for me, I'm like, "All right, Josh. What I want you to do is I want you to, number one, ask me if it's later in the day if I move my body. And if not, then I want you to encourage me. Just remind me that it's going to make me feel better. Remind me that it's not going to take as long as I think, or what am working it up to be in my mind." And those simple things, now Josh knows, "Okay, Julie, number one, has asked me to support her. And two, she's asked me to do X, Y, and Z."
So it's super plain and simple for him to be like, "Yes, I will support you. And yes, I will do that." So just remember that when your friends and family ask you to support them, of course you're going to. So don't be ashamed or don't be scared to ask them to support you. And remember that you almost never get what you don't ask for. So just ask anyways.
Number three, let them know that it's right for you. So when you're trying to gain the support from your friends and family, you have to let them know that this is what you're doing to make yourself feel better. Make sure that they know it's not something that you're expecting for them to join in on and definitely not something that you're going to push on them, which I know it's hard to, especially when we are really excited about a new journey. We don't even think about it oftentimes, but we tend to push what we are doing on other people. And most of the time, it's not the right time for them, especially if they're getting into it for the wrong reason.
So it's really, really important that you just remind them that you're not expecting them to join in on it. You're not making them feel guilty, you are simply doing your thing and they're doing their thing. Let them know that you understand that. And just because this new healthy lifestyle is for you right now, doesn't mean that it has to be right for them right now. And just because you're asking for them to support and respect your lifestyle means that you're mutually going to support and respect their lifestyle in return.
And yes, sometimes that is hard to say, especially if they are playing more video games than you'd like, or they're drinking more, they're not working out. It can be really difficult, especially if it's a spouse or someone that you just love so much. You just want to tell them like, "Do it with me. I promise you're going to feel better." But you have to remember that every person is going to come to it in their own time, and actions always speak louder than words. So I want you to respect and support their choices just as you want them to respect and support yours. Remember that living a healthy lifestyle is something that people need to decide on their own and it's not something that we can force on them. Forcing anything in life is never a successful strategy long-term.
The best way to get others to follow you, like I said, is by doing it. By inspiring them through action. If they see you happier, healthier, more energized, eventually they will start asking questions about what you're doing. So just be patient. And in the meantime, give each other mutual support. I know when you're the only one in your friends or family making healthier choices, it can make you feel embarrassed or like an outcast. Especially going into the holiday season when we are likely going to a lot more events with food and everything like that. In my opinion, though, being different is the best thing that you could ever be. There is no better time than now to stop caring what other people think. Who cares if someone looks at you funny for ordering a salad at a pizza restaurant or taking the stairs when everyone else hops in the elevator?
No matter how much peer pressure you get, I want you to stand firm in the lifestyle that you want to live. You know your goals, you know your why, and you know how amazing that these healthier choices make you feel. So remember that the next time you are faced with that criticism. People will always make comments. Some may look at you weird. Others may judge you. None of that truly matters. What matters is that you are doing what is best for you. So rather than allowing their response to your healthier choices to make you feel self-conscious, just smile back at them. And when you do, remember that you're doing this for you, your health, your happiness, your future, and your overall wellbeing. You should never let the opinions of others take away from any of that. It's okay to be different, especially when different leads you to becoming the best version of yourself.
Number five, their pushback isn't about you. It's about them. Typically, when people are giving you the look, they're shooting a negative comment at you, or placing some judgment about your healthy lifestyle, it's because you're making them feel guilty about their own choices and their own lifestyle. The choices you're making are the choices they know they should be making, but they can't find the willpower, the motivation, the energy, the time, or whatever their excuse may be. But when they see you doing it, it makes them feel bad about themselves. So when they are laying around all day, rather than getting some movement in and you join them, you're justifying their lifestyle. But when they're laying around all day and you go crush a workout, you unintentionally make them feel bad about themselves for not doing the same.
Rather than just joining you for the workout, it's easier for them to guilt you and just skipping yours. Do you catch what I'm throwing? This isn't anything you need to feel bad about because it's really nothing to do with you at all. At the end of the day, you're doing this for you and nobody else. So do your thing, respect their decisions, and eventually you will inspire them to join you.
Number six, it's important to have the response prepared. Now, this is something that I wish I would have learned years ago, because especially when you are in the moment and someone is criticizing you or making a sly comment or a remark or something, it's easy to make you feel insecure if you're not prepared. And while I know we're not going to be able to pull out a list of like, here's what I'm combating your negativity to. Or while I understand we can't typically pull out a notebook full of responses, just having these things in your toolbox and asking yourself, "What is it that you want to say back if there is a comment said to you?"
So for example, if you're getting pushback on your food choices, I have a few different types of responses. And obviously I want you to customize this the way that you would feel comfortable and confident saying, but this could be a great starting point. I've really been on a health kick and it's making such a difference in my life. All this food looks so amazing, but I'm really loving, sticking to the food that I know will keep me energized. Or, I'm really excited about how great I've been feeling and I want to keep feeling this way. I'm trying to stay balanced with my eating choices. I'll start off with a salad and see how I feel after. I'm not hungry right now. I'll wait until I am before I grab some food. I've started focusing on eating more nourishing foods and it's making me feel really good.
Since I have, I haven't really been craving the foods that I used to crave. I've set some awesome health and fitness goals that I'm so excited to reach. So I'm focusing on keeping a healthy balance with my food choices. Since I've started incorporating more nutrient dense foods into my daily intake, I've discovered how delicious they can be. Now, again, I want this to be authentic to you, and I want you to feel empowered saying it. So this can be a great starting point, but I think it's really important that you come up with some responses that you believe in because not if, but when this time comes, you have to have responses back to stand up for yourself. Or you're literally always going to get knocked down by their sly comments or remarks or negativity. And that's when you'll feel frustrated because you're not standing up for what you believe in.
Some responses if you're getting pushback about working out could be like this, working out is a form of self-care for me. If I go work out, I know I'll have so much more energy and I'll be in a much better mood afterwards. I like to look at working out as a hobby. It's something I'm really passionate about doing. Working out for me is a priority. I respect your priorities and I would appreciate if you would respect mine in return. Working out helps me feel more confident in who I am. I love feeling confident, and that's why I don't want to skip out on my workout. You can't pour from an empty cup, right? Working out helps me fill my cup.
Now again, I want this to be authentic to you, but this could be a great starting point. And for me, I have just made it a point to let every single person in my life know that I am all about honoring my body with movement. And that's even something that you could talk about. It doesn't always have to be a workout, but working out or honoring your body with movement is a priority. And if you get pushback, you can either invite them and say, "Hey, if you want to come, you totally can. Again, if not, I respect your decision." But then obviously saying, "I would expect that you would respect my decision as well, just like I respect yours."
It's all about giving that mutual respect, but also finding that delicate balance of standing up for yourself. So let me recap the six things that you can do to gain support from your loved ones. Number one, share your why. Number two, ask for their support. Number three, let them know that this is what is right for you. Number four, be okay with being different. Number five, remember, their pushback isn't about you, it's about them. And number six, having a response prepared in advance.
If you love this episode, I know you will also love episode 22, why you should never stop improving yourself. Now, in this episode of Embrace Your Real, I dive into why it's completely okay to change, regardless of what other people may say and why we should always focus on our own personal development and prioritize that. If you have two or three girlfriends, sisters, friends, coworkers, that you feel like this episode would speak to them, it would encourage them. I just ask that you share it out, whether you're on Spotify, you're on Apple Podcasts, you can click the three dots on the screen. You'll see it. You can copy the link. You can send it out in a text message. You can screenshot this, post it up on your story. Tag me, Julie A Ledbetter. I would love to hear your aha moments from it. And I would love to know if this helped you out in any way.
Thank you so much for tuning in. And I will talk to you guys in the next episode. All right, sister. That's all I got for you today, but I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you're not already following me on the Gram, be sure to do so, Julie A Ledbetter. Yes, it's with an A in middle, for that daily, post-workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks, and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world. And I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and embrace your real because you're worth it.