7 Things I Stopped Feeling Guilty About After Becoming a Mom

 

Mama, can we talk about the guilt for a second?

I swear, after becoming a mom, guilt can attach itself to almost anything.

The workout you needed.
The easy dinner that saved your sanity.
The moment you asked for help.
The boundary you set.
The quiet thought of, “I need a break,” followed immediately by, “Wait, am I allowed to feel that?”

And for a while, I think I confused that guilt with caring.

But what I am learning is that guilt can take an already full, already demanding season and make it feel even heavier.

So in this episode of Embrace Your Real, I am sharing seven things I have stopped feeling guilty about since becoming a mom. Not because I have motherhood figured out, but because I am learning that having needs, goals, boundaries, and hard days does not make me any less grateful for this life. And I am hoping that this episode helps you set down some of that guilt too. Not all at once. Not perfectly. But maybe just enough to remind yourself that taking care of your family does not mean forgetting how to take care of yourself.

What’s Discussed:

  • Why mom guilt can attach itself to even the smallest decisions

  • How workouts can still count when they look different than they used to

  • Why asking for help does not mean you are failing

  • How saying no can protect your time, energy, and family

  • Why loving your kids deeply and finding motherhood hard can both be true

If one of the things that feels hard to make time for right now is movement, come join me inside the Movement With Julie app. I give you five brand-new workouts every week, so you never have to spend your limited time deciding what to do. Just open the app, press play, and let me take care of the programming while you focus on showing up in whatever way fits your life that day. Head to movementwithjulie.com to get started.

If you loved this episode, you will also love Episode 527: Overcoming Guilt: Prioritizing Your Health and Wellness While Caring for a Newborn. It is the perfect next listen if you are learning how to take care of yourself in the middle of a full life.

If you want more from me, be sure to check out…

Transcript

(0:00) Hey there, beautiful human. You're listening to Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter, (0:06) a podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I give you a dose of real (0:11) talk and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally (0:16) loving your authentic self.

Stay tuned if you're ready to Embrace Your Real. Let's get it. Let's go.

(0:28) Hello and welcome back to another episode on the Embrace Your Real podcast. I want to talk (0:34) about mom guilt because I do not think anyone fully prepares you for how many things that (0:40) you can suddenly find a reason to feel guilty about once you become a mom. You can feel guilty (0:45) when you work.

You can feel guilty when you take time for yourself. You can feel guilty (0:49) when you're exhausted. You can feel guilty when you want to take a break.

And you can (0:53) even feel guilty when you make time for a workout because part of you wonders whether (0:58) you should be spending that time with your family or something else or, you know, tending (1:01) to the house or tending to work or whatever it is. There always seems to be something telling (1:07) us that we should be doing more, we should be giving more and somehow handling everything (1:11) better. Over time, I've personally just had to realize that carrying guilt around (1:16) every single decision does not make me a better mom.

It usually just makes motherhood (1:21) feel heavier than it needs to. And so today I want to share seven things that I have stopped (1:26) feeling guilty about since becoming a mom because I've learned that having needs taking (1:31) care of myself and allowing certain things to be imperfect does not take away from (1:35) how deeply I personally love my family. Before we get in though, I want to share this review.

(1:40) She gave a five star review and said, I'm a smarter, wiser woman for listening to this (1:44) podcast. Hi there, if you're like me and get so much joy from exercise and eating (1:48) healthy, but may have found yourself on the border of having an unhealthy transactional (1:53) relationship with movement and food during your journey, I highly recommend listening. (1:57) I'm so grateful I found Julie in Embrace Your Real.

Over the past few days, she has (2:01) helped me shift my mindset and I feel empowered to make small shifts to make sure that I'm (2:06) fueling my body optimally and also quieting my inner critic. Thank you for creating the (2:11) content that will change lives for the better. I'm so grateful for this.

Thank (2:14) you so much for taking time out of your day to send in this review. I genuinely, my hope (2:19) and prayer every time that I turn on this microphone is that I do just that. I want (2:24) to make sure that you feel empowered or educated or encouraged in some way, shape, or form.

(2:30) Thank you for taking time out of your day to send in this review. If you guys could (2:33) scooch over to Apple Podcasts and leave a rating review, that would mean the absolute (2:37) world to me and our team and it also just helps more women find the podcast as well. (2:41) All right, let's just dive right in.

So number one, I stopped feeling guilty about needing time (2:45) for myself. And this one was big for me because motherhood can really make you feel like every (2:49) available minute of your day should belong to someone else. Like there's always something (2:53) that you could be doing for your kids, your spouse, your home, your work.

And that means (2:57) that taking care and taking time for yourself can start to feel selfish really quickly. (3:02) But what I've learned is I genuinely need moments where nobody needs anything from me. (3:07) So sometimes that means working out in honest, complete silence, like literal complete silence.

(3:13) Other times it means that I'm listening to an audio book or a podcast or watching a show or (3:16) just listening to music. Other times it means getting out of the house. Sometimes it means (3:20) spending time with friends or family.

And other times it just means like having enough quiet (3:26) space to just hear my thoughts. I have stopped feeling guilty about that because I know that (3:31) I show up differently when I've had a chance to recharge. I have more patience.

I have more (3:36) energy. I have a greater ability to be present with the people that I love. And instead of (3:40) asking myself whether or not I've earned this time for myself, I remind myself that I'm still (3:45) a whole person outside of being a mom and taking care of that person matters as well.

(3:50) Number two, I stopped feeling guilty about having goals that have nothing to do with (3:54) motherhood. Alright, becoming a mom has literally changed so much about my life and it has (3:58) bettered me in every single way. But it also didn't erase everything that I cared about (4:03) before I became one.

Like I still have goals. I still care about my work. I still want to grow.

(4:07) I still have things that I want to accomplish that are meaningful to me personally. And I (4:12) think that this pressure of once you become a mom to believe that your children should be (4:17) the only thing that fulfills you. And if you still care deeply about your career or your (4:22) fitness or your passions or your own growth, that you somehow need to justify that.

I don't (4:26) believe that anymore. I absolutely love being a mom. Like hear me when I say that.

It is the (4:32) best thing that has happened to me. But motherhood is just also, yes, it's everything about who (4:38) I am, but it's also just one part. And I think that there is something really powerful (4:42) about allowing our kids to watch us pursue things that matter to us because they get (4:48) to see what it looks like to work towards a goal, to follow through on something and (4:52) to continue growing throughout your life.

Having goals of my own doesn't mean that (4:57) I love my family any less. And I no longer feel guilty for wanting those things for myself as well. (5:03) Trust me, I have my days, but overall, I have allowed myself to not feel guilty for that.

(5:08) Number three, I stopped feeling guilty when dinner is incredibly simple. This is so important, (5:13) you guys. There are nights when dinner is balanced, it's planned, it's exactly what I (5:18) had in mind.

And then there's nights when I need to get food on the table as quickly (5:23) as humanly possible. I have stopped turning those nights into some kind of personal failure. (5:28) Dinner does not need to be elaborate every single night in order for me to feel like I'm taking (5:33) good care of my family.

Sometimes we're having literal shredded, pre-made shredded chicken that (5:39) we got from sprouts and we're having some miter waverable rice and some cheese on top, right? (5:45) Other times, we're making sandwiches, we're doing something frozen, we're ordering food (5:49) because that's what makes sense for the day that we've had. Yes, I personally still care (5:53) about nutrition, I care about my family's nutrition and obviously want my family to (5:57) eat foods that nourish them, but I have also learned that I can care about nutrition without (6:02) making every single meal this enormous production. And this is something that I talk about with (6:07) macro counting as well because your nutrition does not suddenly stop working just because (6:12) every single meal was not made from scratch.

If using shortcuts helps me feed my family, (6:17) keeps my sanity, and enjoys our evening a little bit more, I'm going to use those shortcuts (6:22) every single time without feeling guilty about it. Number four, I stopped feeling guilty when (6:27) my workouts don't look exactly how they used to. So before becoming a mom, it was so much easier (6:33) to plan a workout and really honestly plan my workout around my schedule because I had (6:39) so much fewer responsibilities and people influencing how my day unfolded, right? Now, (6:46) there are days when things get changed last minute, somebody needs me, I'm exhausted, (6:51) or I just simply don't have the amount of time that I thought I would.

I used to feel like if (6:55) I couldn't get my workout exactly the way that I planned it in my head or on my calendar, (6:59) then somehow it didn't count as much. But motherhood has completely humbled me in a way (7:04) that has changed the way that I think about consistency. A 20 minute workout can still be (7:09) a great workout.

Going for a walk can still be movement that supports me using lighter weights (7:14) because I barely slept. That can still be the right choice for my body that day. And there are also (7:20) days when skipping the workout is exactly what I need to do and I'm not going to feel guilty (7:26) about that.

And this is one of the reasons why I care so much about my movement with Julie (7:30) and about making it realistic for women with full lives. I want you to have your workouts (7:35) already planned for you so that when you have that window of time, you can open up the app, (7:40) you can go through the movements and get moving without spending half of the time trying to figure (7:45) out what to do. Motherhood has taught me that consistency does not always look the way that (7:49) we pictured it.

Sometimes the biggest win is just continuing to come back when life allows (7:55) and not letting one slip up or one failure or one day that went completely (8:00) array derail you from all the progress that you have been making. (8:04) Number five, I stopped feeling guilty about asking for help. And okay, I say I stopped feeling (8:11) guilty for the most part, I would say about 85% of the time I stopped feeling guilty.

(8:16) But this is important to share with you. And it's honestly important for me to hear (8:20) this as well, because this is probably one of the hardest things that I struggle with (8:24) and still continue to struggle with. But for the most part, I stopped feeling guilty about (8:28) asking for help.

Because for a long time, I think I associated being capable with needing (8:33) to handle everything myself. Like, I personally knew if I could technically do all of it, (8:38) then asking someone else to help me felt just felt unnecessary, or like I should have been (8:43) able to manage it better. But what I have realized over time is that being capable of carrying (8:49) everything else does not mean that I need to carry everything.

Like, there's no prize for (8:54) running yourself into the ground because you refuse to ask for help. I would much rather have (8:58) enough energy left to be present with my family than spend every ounce of it trying to prove that (9:04) I can do everything on my own. Now, I am much more comfortable saying what I need to.

And sometimes (9:10) that's asking Josh to take something off my plate. Sometimes that is, you know, getting help (9:15) with Blake, sometimes it's getting help with my work. And sometimes it means deciding that (9:20) something simply does not need to get done by me.

But asking for help allows you to have more (9:26) capacity for the things that do matter. So please, please, please stop asking for help (9:32) as something that you need to apologize for. Again, this is something that I personally (9:36) struggle with the most out of all of these that I'm sharing with you today.

This is the thing (9:39) that I struggle with the most, and I'm really trying to work on it. And I have released so much (9:44) guilt, but there is still a little part of me that wants to control everything. And so this is (9:49) me sharing this to you just as much for me to hear it as well.

Number six, I stopped feeling (9:55) guilty about saying no, motherhood has made me realize very, very quickly that my time (10:00) and my energy are very limited. And every time that I say yes to something, I am also deciding (10:06) where that time and energy will come from. So if I say yes to every single event, every invitation (10:10) to every extra responsibility, and every person who asked something of me, eventually I'm going (10:16) to be giving my family and myself whatever happens to be leftover.

And I personally do (10:22) not want to live this way. So I've become much more protective of my time and much more (10:26) comfortable saying no when something does not fit in the season of life that we're in. Sometimes (10:31) saying no means we get a quiet night at home.

Sometimes it means I have enough time to work (10:36) out. I have time to feed my dinner and actually eat dinner with my family, or just simply have a (10:42) little bit more breathing room in my day to day. I have learned that saying no does not (10:47) automatically mean that I'm letting someone down.

A lot of the time it just simply means that I'm (10:51) being more intentional about what deserves my yes. At number seven, I stopped feeling guilty (10:58) about loving Blake deeply while still finding motherhood hard sometimes. And this one is (11:04) so important because I think that many moms can carry so much guilt around admitting that (11:10) motherhood is hard.

Like you can be so incredibly grateful for your children and also still feel (11:15) so overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for them. You can absolutely love being a mom (11:21) more than anything but still want time alone. You can have beautiful days with your kids and also (11:27) have days where you are just completely exhausted and overstimulated.

Those things can all be true (11:33) at the same time. I think that we create so much unnecessary guilt when we believe that being (11:38) grateful for motherhood means that we should never struggle with it. But motherhood asks a (11:42) lot of you, physically, mentally, emotionally, so of course there are going to be seasons and (11:47) moments where it just feels incredibly hard.

Allowing myself personally to admit that has (11:52) actually helped me to enjoy motherhood more because I'm no longer trying to prove how (11:57) grateful I am by pretending that every part feels easy. I can love this life deeply while also (12:04) being honest about what it requires from me. So there you have it, those are seven things that I (12:09) for the most part have stopped feeling guilty about since becoming a mom.

Let me quickly recap (12:14) what we talked about in today's episode. Number one, I stopped feeling guilty about needing time (12:19) for myself because I know that I show up better when I have had a chance to recharge. Number two, (12:26) I stopped feeling guilty about having goals outside of motherhood because becoming a mom (12:30) did not erase other parts of who I am.

Number three, I stopped feeling guilty when dinner is (12:35) simple because beating my family well does not require making every meal an elaborate production. (12:41) Number four, I stopped feeling guilty when my workouts look different because consistency (12:45) has to be flexible enough to fit into your real life. Number five, this one again is my hardest, (12:51) I stopped feeling guilty about asking for help because caring everything myself does not make (12:57) me a better mom.

Number six, I stopped feeling guilty about saying no because protecting my time (13:02) and energy allows me to be much more intentional about where I get to give them. And last but not (13:08) least, I stopped feeling guilty about admitting that motherhood can be hard because loving Blake (13:13) deeply does not mean that every part of motherhood has to feel easy. All right, sister, if you are (13:19) carrying guilt around one of those things right now, I want you to ask yourself whether that (13:24) guilt is actually helping you to become the mom that you want to be or whether it's simply (13:29) making you feel like you're never doing enough.

You are allowed to have needs. You're allowed to (13:34) have goals and boundaries and moments where you need help. You're allowed to make the easy dinner, (13:39) adjust your workout, protect your time, and admit when you're tired.

None of those things take away (13:44) from how much you actually love your family. If you love today's episode, I know that you will (13:48) also love episode 527, overcoming guilt, prioritizing your health and wellness while (13:53) also caring for a newborn because we go even deeper into letting go of the pressure to do (13:59) everything perfectly and really learning how to take care of yourself in the middle of a full (14:04) life. I will also link that in the show notes below.

And also one final reminder, just remember (14:10) that taking care of yourself helps you to continue to show up as the woman and the mom that you want (14:15) to be. And if one of the things that just feels really hard right now for you to make time for (14:20) is movement, come join me Inside the Movement with Julia app. I give you five brand new (14:24) Dumble Only workouts every single week so you don't have to spend your limited time deciding (14:29) what you do.

You literally just open up the app, you select, you know, what workout you're doing. (14:33) Is it a 30 minute? Is it a 60 minute? And then just follow the workout from there, (14:37) just showing up in whatever way fits your life that day. You can find the link for (14:41) that in the show notes below, or you can go to sale, S A L E dot movement julie.com. (14:47) If you're a brand new subscriber, you get 50% off your first month.

All right, that is all that (14:52) I have for you today. Thank you so much for being here today. Just remember you do not have (14:56) to carry guilt for having needs, taking care of yourself, or just simply having a hard day.

(15:01) I love you so much. I mean it. And I'll talk to you in the next one.

All right, sister, (15:14) that's all I got for you today. But I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, (15:19) if you're not already following me on the gram, be sure to do so Julie A Ledbetter.

Yes, (15:24) it's with an A in the middle for that daily post-workout real talk, healthy tips and (15:29) tricks and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing, (15:33) be sure to subscribe to apple podcast to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me.

(15:41) It means the absolute world. And I'm going to leave you with one last thought. (15:44) The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident (15:49) and secure in being authentically themselves.

Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than (15:56) the surface. So go out there and embrace your real because you're worth it.

 
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