How To Fall Back In Love With Your Everyday Life

 

Hey hey beautiful human!

When was the last time you actually enjoyed a regular Tuesday? Not a vacation, not a milestone, not a special occasion, just an ordinary day that felt like yours.

If you are honest with yourself, it has probably been a while. And if you have been living in permanent almost there mode, always waiting for things to slow down, for the weight to come off, for the next season to finally be the one worth enjoying, this episode is going to hit different.

Because the life you have been waiting to enjoy? It is already happening. And today we are talking about how to actually show up for it.

What's Discussed:

  • Why so many driven women are living in almost there mode without even realizing it

  • The I'll be happy when trap and why it keeps joy permanently just out of reach

  • Why hustle culture has convinced us that pleasure has to be earned before it can be enjoyed

  • What small rituals actually do for your wellbeing according to research

  • Why saving things for special occasions is quietly telling yourself today is not enough

  • The personal joy list exercise and why you need to do it this week

If you want a movement that actually feels good to show up for, head to movementwithjulie.com  to get started inside the Movement With Julie app. 

This episode was made to be shared. Follow the podcast, leave a review, and send it to a friend who could use a reminder that her life is already worth loving. 

If you want more from me, be sure to check out… 

Transcript

(0:00) Hey there, beautiful human. You're listening to Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter, (0:05) a podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I give you a dose of real (0:11) talk and actionable advice for building your confidence, honouring your body, and unconditionally (0:16) loving your authentic self.

Stay tuned if you're ready to Embrace Your Real. Let's get it. Let's go.

(0:29) Hello, and welcome back to another episode on the Embrace Your Real podcast. I'm so happy (0:33) that you're here today because this episode I genuinely think is one that a lot of us (0:37) need without even realising it. Like how often do you find yourself thinking, (0:42) I will be happy when I lose this weight, or I will feel better when things in my life slow down, (0:47) or I'll start actually enjoying my day to day once I just get through this season.

(0:51) If you've ever caught yourself living in this permanent, like almost there mode, (0:56) always waiting for some future version of yourself for the life, you know, (1:01) to be the one worth enjoying. I believe that this episode is going to speak to you because (1:06) here's what I want you to consider. What if your life is already full of things worth loving (1:10) and you've just stopped noticing them? What if joy isn't waiting for you at the finish line? (1:16) It's already woven into your ordinary Tuesday and you've just gotten so focused on the destination (1:22) that you've stopped seeing it.

So in today's episode, I want to help you fall back in love (1:27) with the life that you are already living. We're going to be talking about why so many of us (1:32) disconnect from everyday joy in the first place. And then I'm going to kind of walk you through (1:36) seven specific practical ways to start finding it again.

Okay, so before we get to the list, (1:42) I want to take a second to just validate something. If you feel like joy has kind (1:48) of gone missing from your daily life, like the days just kind of blur together, (1:51) like you're going through the motions, like nothing feels particularly exciting or meaningful, (1:56) I need you to know that this is an incredibly common experience and it doesn't mean that (2:03) something is wrong with you. There are a few specific reasons most of us end up here.

(2:07) The first is what I'll call, I'll be happy when, and that is a trap. It's a psychological pattern (2:14) of tying your happiness to a future outcome. Like I'll feel good about myself when I hit my (2:20) goal weight, or I'll finally relax when this busy season is over, or I'll start living when (2:25) things look different.

And the sneaky thing about this trap is that it feels logical, right? It (2:30) feels like delayed gratification. It feels responsible even, but what it's actually doing (2:35) is teaching your brain to always push joy to the future, which means that you're never (2:39) actually going to get there because there's always another one waiting. And the second (2:44) is pursuit mode.

So a lot of us, myself included, are very goal-driven women, which is (2:50) genuinely a strength, I believe. But when we're always in pursuit of the next thing, (2:55) we kind of develop this tunnel vision. Like we stop registering what's happening right now, (3:00) because our eyes are fixed on what's ahead and the present just becomes this waiting room.

(3:06) And the third is hustle culture. This pervasive message that joy and rest have to be earned, (3:12) that pleasure is a reward, not a right, and that you don't deserve to enjoy today if you (3:17) haven't hit your macro goals or finished your workout or checked everything off your to-do list. (3:21) So what we do instead is we deprive ourselves of the small, beautiful, ordinary things, (3:26) because we feel like we haven't earned them yet.

Here's what I want you to hear. (3:29) I'm not here to tell you that you should be grateful and just look on the bright side. (3:33) That's kind of this toxic positivity that really doesn't help anyone.

But I want to invite you (3:38) gently and practically to start turning your attention back towards the life that's already (3:44) happening in front of you, because I promise it's there. It's just that you have likely gotten (3:49) a little too zoomed in. It's likely that you have gotten a little too zoomed out to see it.

(3:55) All right. With all of that said, I want to dive into the seven ways that I recommend (4:00) for falling back in love with your everyday life. So number one is really start noticing (4:04) what's already good.

I know, I know. Notice the good things sounds like every gratitude (4:08) journal prompt you've probably ever ignored. So let me be really clear about what I'm not (4:14) asking you to do.

I'm not asking you to write five things that you're grateful for every night. (4:18) I'm not asking you to pretend that hard things aren't hard. What I'm talking about is much (4:23) simpler.

It's really the act of pausing, even if that's for two seconds or five seconds, (4:28) to actually register a small good thing as it is happening, like in the moment that it is (4:34) happening. So it could be the smell of coffee when you walk into the kitchen. It could be (4:38) your kid laughing at something that has nothing to do with you or something totally random.

(4:43) The first five minutes of that workout, when your body starts to warm up and you just feel (4:47) like you're waking yourself up from the inside, the stretch of highway, when the sun is setting (4:52) and the light is just right, the song coming on that immediately just transports you to a different (4:57) memory or a different time and space in your life. Those moments are already happening in (5:03) your life. Like every single day, most of us though, are so in our heads.

We're running (5:07) through our to-do list. We're rehearsing conversations. We're planning.

We're scrolling (5:11) that we blow right past them without even registering that they have happened. (5:16) The practise here is to just slow down enough to let the good things land. You don't have to (5:21) write them down.

You don't even have to turn them into a lesson. You don't have to record (5:25) them on your phone. You just have to notice them, like really notice them with your two (5:29) eyes or two ears and really allow yourself to absorb it.

Number two, create small rituals (5:35) that are just for you. So I want to be very specific here because this is not about (5:39) morning routines or productivity habits. I'm not talking about waking up at 5 a.m. (5:44) and journaling, reading your Bible, exercising before everyone else wakes up.

I mean, if that's (5:48) what you do, that's amazing. I personally am not a morning person, but I am talking about tiny (5:54) pockets of pleasure that you weave into ordinary moments just because they make you feel like (6:00) yourself. So it could be a specific playlist that you only play during your workouts or (6:05) a candle that you light at breakfast just because it smells like something that you love or a walk (6:11) at the end of your day without your phone.

No podcast, no music, just you, whatever's around you, (6:17) a mug that you picked out because it makes you happy every time you hold it and drink out of it. (6:22) These things feel small. They feel almost embarrassingly small, but the research on (6:27) well-being is very clear that it's these kinds of micro moments, these anticipated pleasures, (6:33) sensory anchors, small acts of self-care that actually contribute most to how we feel about our (6:40) daily lives.

Not the big vacations, not the milestone achievements, the little things that (6:45) you constantly look forward to on a day-to-day basis. So I want you to think about what yours (6:50) could be and then actually do them. Not someday, not after you've earned it, but right here, (6:55) right now, or even tomorrow if it's the end of the day.

Number three, stop saving things for (7:01) special occasions. Okay, this one might sting a little bit because how many of you have like (7:06) a nice outfit hanging in your closet that you've been waiting to wear until maybe you've lost a (7:11) little bit more weight or a candle that you haven't lit yet because you're saving it, (7:15) or maybe a fancy dish set that you've never used, good wine that you're holding on to (7:20) for a special occasion. I want to remind you that the special occasion is right now.

(7:25) Every single time we say, I'll use that when we are reinforcing the message to ourselves (7:31) that today is not worth celebrating, that ordinary life doesn't deserve the good stuff, (7:36) that we need to reach some threshold before we're allowed to enjoy what we already have. (7:40) Use the good mug. Light the nice candle during a regular Tuesday dinner where everything is (7:45) chaotic.

Wear the outfit that you love and feel amazing in it. Put fresh flowers on your counter. (7:51) Use perfume that you've been saving.

Your ordinary days are the special occasion. (7:56) They actually are your life and they deserve to feel like it. Number four, (8:02) move your body as a way of being in it, not escaping it.

So I talk a lot about movement on (8:07) this podcast and I always will because to me it's one of the most powerful tools that we have (8:12) for how we feel in our own lives, but I really want to reframe it a little bit today because I (8:17) think that a lot of us have been using movement as an escape hatch. Like we work out to make up for (8:23) something that we ate or we work out to earn the rest of our day or we work out to change how we (8:27) look and all of that is really just another way of using your body as a vehicle towards something (8:33) somewhere else, right? A different body, a different life, a different version of yourself. (8:38) What I want you to try instead though is using movement as a way of actually arriving, of (8:43) feeling present and alive in the body that you have right now.

Notice how your body is warming up. (8:48) Notice the way that your muscles engage when you pick up that weight, the satisfying fatigue after (8:54) a really good set, the way that your whole nervous system softens on a walk. You are here (8:59) in a body that is capable of doing beautiful things and movement is one of the best ways (9:04) to remember that and that's personally why I built my Move With Julie community.

It's my (9:13) feel it and I actually enjoy the process. There's a whole community of women who do (9:18) the same thing and the same workout week in and week out alongside of you because (9:22) personally when movement stops feeling like something that you owe to your body and really (9:28) starts feeling like something that you get to do for it, it personally can become one of the best (9:33) part of your day. And I'm just speaking from experience, like that nap time workout right now (9:38) in this season of life is seriously my favourite part of the day.

I mean don't get me wrong, (9:44) I love spending time with Blake, I love seeing him learn and grow and develop and hit these milestones (9:48) but man to have something for myself and just know that I'm doing this because I love my body (9:55) and I get to do it is one of the best things. So if you're ready for that you can go to sale (10:00) that's S-A-L-E dot movement with julie dot com or just click the link in the show notes below. (10:05) If you're a brand new subscriber you get 50% off your first month, cancel anytime, (10:09) no contracts, no hidden fees but you can learn all about it and really genuinely all you need (10:14) is a few pair of dumbbells and a small space.

Number five, I need you to forgive the past (10:19) version of you and show up for today. One of the sneakiest things that keeps us from (10:24) enjoying our lives is the weight of everything that we didn't do. We didn't finish or didn't (10:29) do well enough like the months that you weren't consistent, the goals that you set and didn't (10:34) follow through, the version of yourself that you were supposed to be by now.

(10:37) A lot of us carry this constant low grade guilt about the past and the gap between where we are (10:43) and where we thought we'd be, that colours everything. It makes it really hard to be present (10:49) in today because you're always measuring today against the story of how it was supposed to go. (10:54) So what I want to offer you is that the past version of you did the best that she (11:00) could with what she had.

She was tired, she was overwhelmed, she was figuring it out, (11:05) she was dealing with things that you don't even fully remember anymore and she deserves (11:10) grace not because it doesn't matter but because beating her up right now literally does nothing (11:15) to help you move forward right now. You cannot be present in today if you're still punishing (11:20) yourself for yesterday. Let me say that again, you cannot be present in today if you are still (11:25) punishing yourself for yesterday.

So today I want to invite you to make a real decision, (11:31) to put it down, not to pretend it didn't happen but to genuinely let it go and to show up fully (11:37) for the day that is actually in front of you because that's where your life is happening (11:41) right here, right now. Number six, be fully present in whatever you're doing. This one (11:47) might be one of the most underrated shifts on this entire list and I really want you to sit (11:52) with it.

We live in this constant state of half presence. We're eating while we're scrolling, (11:57) we're scrolling while our kids are playing, we're driving and running through our mental (12:02) to-do list or we're talking to screaming kids or we're on the phone while we're driving, (12:06) we're talking to our kids while we're thinking about work, we're at dinner with people we love (12:10) but we're mentally somewhere else entirely and what that means is that you're never fully (12:16) anywhere like we're never fully here and there's something that happens when you commit to being (12:22) fully present in whatever you're doing. Like when you actually do the thing to your full ability (12:27) and your attention, it's hard to explain until you experience it but life feels more real, (12:32) it feels more satisfying and more like yours.

Like when you eat a meal and you actually taste it, (12:37) like really slow down and taste it, it's more enjoyable or when you're in a workout and you're (12:41) actually focused on the movement instead of rushing through it, you feel more accomplished, (12:46) more connected to your body afterwards. When you're present with the people that you love, (12:50) like you actually start to feel the love instead of just being physically in the room with them (12:55) while you're mentally checked out. Full presence is what takes the ordinary and makes it feel (13:01) meaningful.

It's what turns a regular Tuesday into a good memory. It's one of the simplest and (13:06) hardest practises there is in my opinion and it costs nothing except your attention. So whatever (13:11) you're doing today, do it.

Actually do it. Put your whole self in it. I think that you will (13:15) be surprised how different your day feels and how different that time feels when you actually do that.

(13:22) Number seven, build your personal joy list. Okay, this is the exercise I want you to actually do. (13:28) Not just think about, but actually do.

So I want you to grab your phone, your journal, (13:32) the notes app, a napkin, I don't care, but I want you to write this down. I want you to think (13:37) back to everything that we just talked about. All those small things that you've been learning (13:42) to slow down and notice.

The smell of coffee, the song that transports you, the way that good (13:47) lighting makes a room feel different. The moment that your child is laughing at something that is (13:51) just so random. This exercise is really about taking all of those moments and making them (13:57) permanent.

Like writing them down so you never lose them. This is called a personal joy list (14:02) and it's an exercise used to help people to reconnect with the specific things that make (14:08) them feel good. Not generic things, not things that you think you should enjoy, but your things.

(14:13) The specific sensory, deeply personal anchors that make you feel alive. Here's what I mean. (14:19) Your joy list is not time with family or being in nature.

It's much more specific than that. (14:25) It's the way that your house smells after you've just cleaned it. It's the feeling of clean sheets (14:30) on a Sunday night.

It's a specific song that makes you feel like the main character of (14:34) something great. It's the first sip of your coffee before anyone else in the house is awake. (14:40) It's rain on the window.

It's reading your Bible when you are just you and Jesus sitting there on (14:45) the chair and it's dark and it's cold outside. It's when a stranger holds the door for you and (14:51) just makes you feel like, man, this world is kind. It's the warm lighting that makes (14:55) everything feel softer.

It's a specific hiking trail or running trail or for a particular route (15:01) that you take that just makes you feel alive. It could be a specific candle scent or a podcast (15:08) that you love that makes a long drive feel short. Those are your anchors.

Those are the things that (15:13) tether you to the goodness of your ordinary life. And the whole point of writing them down is so (15:18) that on those days when everything feels grey, you're just depleted when nothing feels good and (15:23) you can't quite remember why any of this matters. You have that list that you can physically go to (15:29) a reminder that good things do exist and they exist in your life like right now.

(15:34) So here's your homework. I want you to take five minutes, 10 minutes, and seriously, (15:38) just start to write that list. Aim for at least 15 to 20 items.

Include smells, sounds, textures, (15:45) moments, places, songs, people, foods, feelings. I want you to make it yours. I want you to make (15:50) it specific and then keep it somewhere that you can find it because on the hard days, (15:54) not if, but when, when those hard days come, you're going to need to be reminded of what is (16:00) already so beautiful in your life and your joy list will do just that for you.

(16:06) All right, let's bring it home. Here's what we talked about today. So we started by naming (16:09) why so many of us have fallen out of love with our everyday lives and this I'll be happy (16:15) one trap, always being in pursuit mode or hustle culture telling us that joy has to be earned.

(16:21) And then we walked through seven ways to start falling back in love with the life that you've (16:25) already been living. So number one is really start noticing what's already good. Slow down (16:30) enough to let the small things land.

Number two, create small rituals that are just for you. (16:36) Tiny pockets of pleasure woven into ordinary days. Number three, stop saving things for (16:41) special occasions.

Use the good mug. Light the nice candle. Today is that special occasion.

Four, (16:47) move your body as a way of being in it, not escaping it. Feel what your body can do right now. (16:53) Number five, forgive the past version of you and show up for today.

Put down the weight of (16:58) everything that you think you should have done differently in your past. Number six, (17:02) be fully present in whatever you're doing. Do that thing to the best of your ability and (17:07) give it your whole attention.

This is truly where that richness lives. And number seven, (17:11) I want you to build that personal joy list. So write down the specific sensory anchors that (17:17) make you feel alive and keep them somewhere that you can find them on the hard days.

(17:22) I truly believe that one of the most powerful ways that you can feel at home in your life (17:27) is to feel at home in your body. And personally, like I talked about that for me, it starts with (17:34) how you move. Like if you felt disconnected, like you're going through the motions with (17:39) your workouts, you're not actually enjoying them.

I want to invite you to check out my (17:42) move with Julie community. So it's dumbbell based workouts designed for women structured (17:47) to fit your everyday life so that you can genuinely feel good to show up because movement (17:52) that feels good is movement that you'll actually keep doing. Click the link in the show notes (17:56) to get 50% off your first month as a brand new subscriber.

And if this episode resonated with you, (18:02) I also think you'll love episode 498, the gratitude effect, how thankfulness transforms us. (18:08) And if this episode meant something to you, will you just share it with someone who needs it? (18:12) Send it to a friend, share it in your stories. Let's get this in the hands of every woman who's (18:17) been waiting for her life to get good without realising how amazing it already is.

All right. (18:22) That is all that I have for today's episode. I love you so much.

I mean it and I'll talk to (18:27) you in the next one. All right, sister, that's all I got for you today, but I have two things (18:38) that I need you to do. First thing, if you're not already following me on the ground, be sure (18:42) to do so.

Julie A. Ledbetter. Yes, it's with an A in the middle for that daily post-workout (18:48) real talk, healthy tips and tricks, and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in (18:52) check. The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple podcasts to never miss an episode.

(18:59) Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world. And I'm going to leave you (19:04) with one last thought.

The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who (19:08) are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty (19:15) goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and embrace your real because you're worth it.

 
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