Mindset Q&A

 

Hey hey beautiful human!

The halfway point of the year can hit a little harder than expected.

You think back to January, the goals you set, the promises you made to yourself, and the version of you that said, “This year is going to be different.” And now you are looking at where you are today wondering if what you have been doing is actually getting you there.

Not to shame yourself. Not to spiral. Not to decide the year is already wasted.

But to get honest while there is still time to do something with that honesty.

In this bonus episode of Embrace Your Real, we are doing a mid-year check-in together. We are looking at what is working, what is not, where you may be getting stuck, and what needs to shift so you do not end this year wishing you had started sooner.

What’s Discussed:

  • Why the middle of the year is the perfect time to pause and get honest

  • How to recognize the habits that are actually working for you

  • Why small progress still deserves to be acknowledged

  • How to look at what is not working without beating yourself up

  • The question that can help you see where your current path is taking you

  • Why trying harder is not always the thing you need most

  • How to make the rest of this year feel more intentional

And once you know what needs to shift, the next step is having the right support.

If your workouts have felt random, inconsistent, or like you are not sure what to do next, Movement With Julie gives you a clear plan to follow with five brand-new workouts every week, 30-minute and 60-minute options, and home or gym flexibility. Head to movementwithjulie.com  to get started.

If nutrition is where you keep getting stuck, Macro Counting Made Simple helps you stop guessing and understand how to fuel your body in a way that supports your goals without restriction or overwhelm. Head to macrocountingmadesimple.com to get started.

If you loved this episode, you’ll also love Episode 652: 3 Quick Wins to Get You Back on Track. It is the perfect next listen if this check-in made you realize you need a simple reset, not another “start over on Monday” plan. 

If you want more from me, be sure to check out…

Transcript

(0:00) Hey there, beautiful human. You're listening to Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter, (0:06) a podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I give you a dose of real talk (0:11) and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally loving your (0:17) authentic self.

Stay tuned if you're ready to Embrace Your Real. Let's get it, let's go. (0:27) Hello and welcome back to another episode on the Embrace Your Real podcast.

I'm so grateful that (0:32) you're here with me today. Today, we're going to be having a very honest conversation about body (0:36) image and the thoughts that come up when you're trying to improve your health, change your body, (0:40) or just simply feel more comfortable in your own skin because you can have all of the healthy (0:44) habits. You can feel strong in your body, you can be making progress while still having those (0:49) days where you're struggling with what you're seeing in the mirror, and you can understand (0:53) that your worth really has nothing to do with your weight and still catch yourself comparing (0:57) your body to someone else's.

You can want to model body confidence for your daughter or for your (1:03) family or for whoever it is in your life that you care about while privately working through (1:08) your own insecurities. Those feelings can be complicated and I don't want you to think (1:12) that you have to reach for some perfect level of body confidence where you never have a negative (1:17) thought again that just is not realistic. A healthy relationship with your body does not (1:21) require you to feel amazing about every single inch of yourself every single day.

It means (1:26) that through those difficult thoughts, those are no longer getting to control your choices. (1:32) Those are no longer determining your worth or preventing you from living your life. (1:36) Today, I'm going to be answering some of your questions about body image, comparison, (1:41) and self-acceptance and what it actually looks like to care for your body from a place of (1:46) love.

Before we dive in, though, I want to share this review. She gave a five-star view (1:49) and said, love, love, love. Julie's podcasts are so amazing.

I have really focused on a more (1:54) positive mindset about my self-worth and positive body image since listening. (1:58) I now listen to my body at more concerning workouts and give my body the rest and nutrition (2:04) that it needs. I feel so strong both physically and mentally.

I love that. I look forward to (2:09) listening to each of these inspiring podcasts. I also love, love the workout app.

It's so easy (2:14) to use and the instruction and diversity with the workouts are amazing and easy to structure (2:18) to fit into busy lifestyles. I love this so much. Thank you so much for taking time (2:22) out of your day.

My favorite part of this is that you said I feel so strong both physically (2:27) but also mentally because you know, and you know, and I know that you can feel strong physically, (2:33) but you to feel strong mentally is on a whole nother level. And I talked about this on one (2:39) of my reels recently on my, on my personal page, but man, feeling strong mentally is (2:44) something that I wish upon every single woman, whether you're a postpartum or not, (2:49) whether you are 19, you're 35, you're 62, you're 42, whatever it is, whatever the age, (2:57) I just pray that you can feel mentally strong. And so I'm so grateful that you added that.

And (3:01) also so thankful that you are loving the movement with Julie workout app. I love that you said it's (3:06) easy to use in the instruction and diversity with the workouts are amazing. That's ultimately (3:10) what I hope for.

I hope that women can fit this into their busy lifestyles, (3:15) but they can also just feel empowered and motivated and have fun doing it. So thank you. Thank you.

(3:21) Thank you for taking time out of your day. I truly, it means the world to me and our team (3:25) when you guys leave these rating interviews. So thank you in advance.

If you could scooch (3:29) over to apple podcast and leave one, that would be amazing. Okay. Let's dive into question (3:34) number one.

So question number one, I've lost weight before and still feel the same way (3:39) about myself in the mirror. Does that ever actually change? Or is it something that I will (3:43) forever have to work on? This is such an important question because I believe that (3:47) so many women are reaching for a certain weight and they think that that will automatically (3:51) change the way that they feel about themselves. They think once I lose the weight, I will finally (3:56) feel confident.

It's like, I will finally like what I see in the mirror. I will finally feel (4:00) comfortable wearing the clothes that I want. And then they lose the weight and they don't realize (4:06) that they still have this same inner dialogue.

They have the same insecurities and they have (4:11) expectations with them because the truth is you can still lose, you can lose 20 pounds and still (4:17) criticize your body just as much as you did before. Sometimes the criticism actually gets (4:22) louder because you spent so much time attaching your happiness to that goal. Like thinking that (4:26) once you reach that goal, you'll be happy and that that will fix everything.

But you (4:30) immediately find something new that you believe needs to change. What I need you to understand (4:35) is that confidence does not automatically appear when the number on the scale goes down. (4:39) Self-validation, self-love, self-worth, those require your own internal dialogue and (4:45) internal work.

You can absolutely work on those things while losing weight. Don't get me wrong, (4:50) but weight loss itself does not create them. I've said this many times on the podcast, (4:55) but personally, if I look at my weight from college, like I weigh 25 plus more pounds than (5:02) I did then, and I feel so much better.

I have personally gone through so many extremes in my (5:09) life. I've been extremely lean. I've had the type of body that, you know, I once thought that it (5:15) would make me completely confident.

And during those seasons, I still truly didn't love myself. (5:20) I still found things to criticize. I still found my body needed to look a certain way for me to (5:25) feel worthy or successful or enough.

I personally became the happiest in my body when I (5:31) stopped comparing myself and I stopped separating my self-worth from what my body looked like. Let me (5:37) repeat that again. I became personally the happiest when I stopped basing my self-worth on what my (5:44) body looked like.

And that meant learning that a change in my body does not change the value of (5:51) who I am, right? Gaining weight does not make me less disciplined and losing definition does not make (5:57) me less worthy. Your body is just one part of your life. It's not your entire identity, right? You can (6:03) still have appearance-related goals, but those goals should never be responsible for determining (6:09) how or whether or not you respect yourself.

The work is really learning to speak to yourself with (6:14) respect at every single stage through the promises that you keep to yourself, through the way that (6:19) you show up for your life, the boundaries that you're creating. You may still have difficult (6:24) body image days. I definitely still have them as a mom, but the difference is that one difficult (6:30) thought no longer becomes an entire story about who you are.

You can notice that you don't feel (6:36) your best in the mirror, but you can still continue to live your life without canceling plans or (6:41) skipping meals or spending the rest of your day criticizing your body. That personally, to me, (6:46) that is what progress, forward progress, can look like. The goal isn't to guarantee that (6:50) you're never going to have another negative thought about your body, but it's really to stop (6:55) those thoughts from controlling your behavior or defining your worth.

Question number two, (7:00) how do you love your body while still wanting to change it? This one is huge. This girl says, (7:06) I feel guilty for wanting to lose fat because I feel like that means I don't accept myself. (7:12) Okay, I want you to hear this.

You are allowed to love your body and still want to change it. (7:16) The important question though is how you are approaching that change. Are you making choices (7:22) that nourish and honor your body or are you using exercise and food to punish it? Two people can (7:27) follow the exact same workout program and have completely different relationships with it.

One (7:33) person, she might exercise because she hates her body and she believes that she has to earn the (7:38) right to eat. Another though might complete the same exact workout because movement makes (7:43) her feel strong, connected to herself. The workout looks the same from the outside, (7:47) but the mindset behind it changes everything.

I also want to remind you that the concept of (7:52) body neutrality, which I have an entire episode about, if loving your appearance feels impossible (7:57) right now, I want you to go back to listen. It's one of the OG episodes, episode 45, (8:02) body neutrality versus body positivity. I will link that in the show notes for you below, (8:07) but body neutrality gives you another place to begin.

You don't have to wake up every morning (8:12) loving every inch of your body or believe that your legs are the most beautiful legs in the world. (8:16) You can acknowledge that you don't love how your legs look today without allowing that opinion to (8:22) determine how you feel about yourself. You can appreciate that your legs allow you to walk and (8:27) work out and pick up your kids and travel and play.

And you can wear shorts even when you (8:33) don't feel completely competent in them and still treat your body with respect while holding a (8:39) neutral opinion about one part of it. The way that your legs look do not have to have control (8:45) over you. It doesn't diminish your worth or erase everything your body allows you to do.

(8:50) So kind of just start there. When you approach changing your body through this lens, your (8:55) habits become an extension of the respect that you already have for yourself. You move your (9:00) body because you know that it deserves movement.

You nourish it because it deserves nutrients and (9:06) energy that it needs. You build those routines because consistency helps you feel your best. And (9:12) yes, your body might change as a result of those habits, but you are no longer waiting for the (9:16) change before you allow yourself to feel worthy.

There should be no punishment. There should be (9:21) no extreme restriction and no belief that you need to suffer in order to make progress. What (9:27) you need is consistency.

Consistent movement, consistent nourishment, consistent sleep, (9:33) consistently returning to the habits that help you feel good even after a day that didn't go (9:40) according to plan. You can have a goal and still accept yourself today. Acceptance does not mean (9:45) giving up on yourself.

It means that you are no longer withholding respect from yourself until (9:52) you become a different version of you. All right. Question number three, some mornings I feel great (9:57) and other mornings I can't even look at myself in the mirror without spiraling.

Is that normal (10:02) or is that a sign that something is actually wrong? I love this question because it really (10:06) that I feel like it came from an honest thought. Like it is something that we question. If we're (10:13) struggling looking in the mirror and we're spiraling, like is something wrong? Do we (10:17) need to go do something? Do we need, do we need help in that area? Having your body (10:21) image change from day to day, that's incredibly common.

Your body can experience small or even (10:26) larger day-to-day fluctuations because of your hydration, your menstrual cycle, your sleep, (10:31) your stress, sodium intake, but your entire body has not dramatically changed overnight. (10:38) And I need you to remember that. What oftentimes changes more significantly is the lens in which (10:43) you are viewing it.

Think about the mornings that you wake up and feel good in your body. (10:46) What did your day before that look like? Maybe you moved your body, maybe you ate meals that (10:51) gave you energy, you drink enough water, you followed through on your habits that you committed (10:55) to. Now I want you to think about the mornings that you just feel uncomfortable, heavy or just (11:00) disconnected from yourself.

Maybe you stayed up late, maybe you skipped a workout, maybe you (11:04) ate something that just didn't sit well in your stomach, you had a stressful day, you might feel (11:08) tired, bloated, emotionally overwhelmed. And then you look in the mirror and you interpret (11:12) all of those feelings as a problem with your body. You might say like, I just look terrible (11:17) today.

When what you're actually experiencing is just low energy, poor sleep, stress, disappointment (11:22) in yourself, hormonal fluctuations, but your reflection becomes the place where you direct (11:28) every uncomfortable feeling. And this is why I want you to pause before criticizing your (11:33) appearance and ask yourself, okay, how am I actually feeling right now? Am I tired? Am (11:37) I bloated? Am I stressed? Am I comparing myself to something that I saw online? (11:41) Once you identify the actual feeling, you can respond to it with care. If you're tired, (11:47) you might just need more rest.

If you feel disconnected from your body, maybe a walk or (11:51) workout is going to help you to reconnect. If you feel bloated, you can remind yourself that (11:55) bloating is just temporary. It does not require punishment.

Maybe you're comparing yourself with (12:00) someone else. You might just need to step away from social media and return your attention to (12:04) your own life before your own eyes. Use the information to guide your next loving choice (12:11) rather than turning it into another reason to criticize yourself.

And I want you to (12:15) remember that honoring your body does not mean that you are always going to eat perfectly, (12:19) that you're going to complete every workout, that you're going to wake up feeling amazing. (12:22) You're a human being. Some days you're going to feel super great.

Other days, not so much. That is (12:29) normal. The loving response is getting curious about what you need without making your body (12:34) the enemy.

Let me say that again. The loving response is getting curious about what you need (12:39) without making your body the enemy. Instead of standing in front of the mirror and listing (12:44) everything wrong with you, I want you to ask yourself, what would help me feel more energized (12:50) and supported today? And then just choose one thing.

Drink some water. Go for a walk. Eat a (12:55) nourishing breakfast.

Take it one step at a time. Maybe you need to take a break from your phone. (12:59) Let your body image struggle lead you towards care, not punishment.

Let me say that again. Let (13:05) your body image struggle lead you towards care, not punishment. Number four, what do you do when (13:12) someone close to you, like a sister or a friend, has the body that you've always wanted? (13:15) It's it's hard to feel happy for them without feeling like garbage about myself.

Okay, this (13:20) one is so honest. And I just want to say thank you so much for taking time to share this with me (13:26) because this is truly, truly so honest. First, I want you to stop judging yourself for having (13:32) that reaction because comparison that can bring up jealousy, it can bring up insecurity, it can bring (13:37) up sadness.

It might even bring up resentment. Feeling those emotions does not make you a (13:45) desire for has touched an insecurity that already existed within you. You can be happy for someone (13:52) and still feel sad for yourself.

Both emotions can exist at the same time. The first thing (13:57) that I would do is become curious about what her body represents to you. Do you believe that (14:03) having that body would finally make you confident? Do you think that you would receive more attention (14:08) or maybe feel more desirable or finally become more accepted? Do you assume that maybe her life (14:15) is easier because of the way that she looks? Sometimes we compare bodies, but underneath the (14:20) comparison, we're just longing for a feeling like maybe you just want to feel chosen.

You want to (14:25) feel admired. You want to feel disciplined. You want to feel comfortable.

You want to feel secure. (14:30) Really identifying that deeper desire is going to help you understand what you're truly looking (14:35) for. You also have to remind yourself that another woman's body is not evidence that (14:39) something is wrong with yours.

Her genetics, her hormone, her history, her lifestyle, (14:43) those are all her own. You again can follow the same workout plan, eat similar foods, (14:48) and live a similar lifestyle while still having an entirely different body. Your goal is not to (14:54) recreate someone else's body.

It's to really discover what health, strength, and confidence (14:59) looks like in your own body. When that comparison comes up, I want you to try replacing (15:04) why can't I look like her with questions that really bring you back to your own life. (15:10) What habits would make me feel more comfortable and confident in my body? What can I do today (15:15) that supports the person that I want to become? Is there something about her confidence or her (15:20) style or energy that I admire and can develop in my own way? You can allow someone to inspire (15:27) you without using her as proof that you are inadequate.

It might help you also really to (15:34) reduce those behaviors that intensify the comparison because constantly analyzing her (15:38) photos or looking for evidence that her body is better than yours only reinforces that insecurity. (15:44) So really try to interrupt that habit and bring your attention back to your own progress in your (15:49) own life. And when you're spending time with this person, I want you to try to experience the (15:53) relationship rather than evaluating the bodies in the room.

I want you to listen. I want you to (15:58) laugh. I want you to be present.

Remember who she is, is beyond her appearance, and remember who (16:04) you are is beyond yours. Her beauty does not take anything away from you. Her body does not (16:09) determine the value of yours.

There is room for both of you to feel beautiful and confident and (16:15) worthy without looking the same. All right, question number five. What do I say to my (16:21) daughter when she says she feels bad? This one literally brought tears to my eyes because (16:25) I feel this on such a deep level.

She continues to say, I don't want to pass any of this down (16:31) to her, but I don't know what to say instead. First and foremost, I want you to tell your (16:37) daughter every single day that she is beautiful. Tell her regularly before she's struggling with (16:43) her appearance.

Even if she rolls her eyes or acts like she doesn't care, she still needs to hear (16:47) this, that she is beautiful, she is loved, and she is worthy. At the same time, I also want you (16:53) to make sure that beauty is not the only quality that you celebrate. I want you to remind her (16:59) that she is kind, she is strong, she is funny, she is brave, she's intelligent, she's quirky.

(17:05) I want you to help her build an identity that includes her appearance without revolving around (17:11) it. The second thing is to really pay attention to how you speak about yourself around her. (17:20) You have to remember that children and teens, they absorb so much from what they repeatedly (17:26) hear.

If she constantly hears you criticize your stomach, talk about needing to earn food or say (17:32) that you can't eat this or can't eat that or how much you hate the way that you look today, (17:36) she might begin applying those same rules to herself. You don't have to pretend that you're (17:41) perfectly competent all the time, but you absolutely can model what it looks like to (17:46) speak about your body with respect. Like when she says, I feel fat, avoid immediately arguing (17:52) with her or dismissing the comment.

You can reassure her that she is beautiful, (17:57) but also gently help her to explore what she's actually experiencing. You could say something (18:02) like, I hear you and I just want to understand. Fat isn't a feeling, so you can tell me more (18:07) about what you're feeling right now.

Maybe she just feels bloated, maybe she feels tired, (18:12) maybe she feels self-conscious, maybe she feels left out, maybe she just feels disconnected (18:16) from her body. Maybe someone commented about her body, someone said something online or in (18:22) person, her body is changing, she just doesn't understand what's happening or maybe she's (18:26) comparing herself to a friend or an influencer. I want you to give her space to explain without (18:31) rushing to correct her because once you understand the actual feeling, I think that you can help (18:36) her address it directly.

Like if she feels uncomfortable in her clothes, help her find (18:41) something that allows her to move and feel like herself. If she feels low energy, (18:45) maybe talk about what might help her feel more energized. If she's comparing herself (18:49) to someone online, I want you to discuss how images can be posed and filtered and edited.

(18:55) If someone commented on her body, I want you to remind her that other people and what they say (19:01) do not get to define her worth. You can ask her questions like, when did you start feeling like (19:05) this? Or did something happen today that made you think about your body? The way that we feel (19:10) about the size of our bodies is oftentimes connected to another emotion or experience. (19:16) So helping her name that experience is going to give her a healthier way to respond.

It's going (19:21) to teach her to make those decisions from self-respect rather than body hate. And it's also (19:26) going to give you an opportunity to remind her of everything that her body allows her to do. (19:31) Her body lets her learn and play and laugh and hug the people that she loves and participate (19:36) in activities and experience her life.

You want her to understand that she can care for her (19:41) body without being consumed by what it looks like. And if these comments become frequent or intense (19:46) or begin just affecting the way that she eats or exercises or dresses or socializes or feels (19:52) about herself, please reach out to a qualified professional who works with children or body image (19:57) because asking for additional support is one more way of showing her that feelings matter. (20:03) And this doesn't have to be like you get her involved right away.

This can be something (20:07) totally off the record or look up podcasts or look up books. There are so many resources (20:12) in today's day where you can learn more about how you can support her going through this (20:18) without her even being there at first. Because sometimes you as a parent, when you're trying (20:23) to figure that out yourself, it's not the healthiest to bring her in immediately and try to (20:29) learn alongside of her.

Sometimes it's best that you learn and soak up as much information as (20:35) you can so that you can either figure out if you're going to just pass it on to her and how (20:39) you're going to frame that or if you're going to invite another person into this journey. (20:44) All right, let's kind of wrap this up. So number one, I want you to remember this, (20:48) losing weight does not automatically change the way that you feel about your self-confidence, (20:53) self-worth, self-love.

Those all require their own work regardless of what the scale says. (20:58) Number two, you can absolutely love your body while still wanting to change it. The difference (21:03) is whether you are approaching that change with nourishment, consistency, and respect, (21:09) or you're doing it through punishment and restriction.

Number three, your body image (21:13) is likely going to change from day to day, even when your body has barely changed at all. (21:18) Before criticizing your appearance, I want you to pause and ask yourself how you are actually (21:23) feeling and what your body actually needs. Number four, someone else having the body (21:28) that you want does not take anything away from you.

Let that comparison show you what (21:33) you're longing for and then bring your focus back to your own body, your own habits, and your own (21:38) life. And last but not least, when your daughter says she feels bad, I want you to help her (21:43) identify the feeling underneath that statement. She might actually feel insecure or uncomfortable (21:50) or tired or left out or disconnected and naming that feeling gives you something (21:54) real to support her through.

If this episode maybe made you realize that you want to change (21:59) your body without continuing this cycle of restriction and guilt and punishment, I want (22:04) to invite you to check out two resources that I have helped to create. You do just that. (22:09) Number one is my macro county made simple and number two is my movement with Julie.

(22:13) So macro county made simple is my step-by-step nutrition program that's going to help teach (22:17) you how to understand how to track your macros in a way that feels simple and realistic and (22:22) sustainable. You're going to learn how much protein, carbs, and fat that your body needs, (22:26) how to build meals that support your goals, and how to make progress without cutting out the (22:31) foods that you love or constantly feeling like you're on a diet. And the second resource is my (22:36) movement with Julie Dumbo workout.

So this is my workout program designed to help you build (22:40) strength, create consistency, and just overall feel confident in your body. These are go at (22:45) your own pace. You will have a clear plan to follow so that you don't have to wonder (22:49) what to do or feel like every workout needs to leave you feeling completely exhausted in order (22:54) to count.

Together, these programs are going to help you care for your body from kind of both (22:58) sides. You're nourishing it with enough food and you're moving it in a way that makes you feel (23:02) stronger and build habits that support your goals without making your entire life revolve (23:07) around changing your appearance. I hope overall that this conversation just reminds you that (23:11) building a healthy relationship with your body is an ongoing process.

You may still experience (23:17) comparisons, still have mornings where your reflection triggers that uncomfortable thought. (23:21) What matters is how you respond. Do you let that thought dictate your entire day or are you giving (23:27) yourself permission to show up fully in your life right now? You are allowed to pursue your goals (23:32) and want to feel stronger, healthier, and more confident, but you do not have to hate yourself (23:37) into becoming someone that you love.

I want you to honor your body with movement, nourish it with (23:41) what it needs, speak to yourself with respect, especially on those days that just feels (23:47) really difficult. Your body will continue to change throughout your life and the relationship (23:51) that you build with yourself is truly what will carry you through every one of those changes. (23:56) Thank you so much for spending some time with me today.

If this episode helped you, (24:01) would you just send it to a friend or a sister or a mom who might need to hear it as well? (24:04) And please, please, please remember that you are allowed to be exactly where you are today, (24:09) still working on this, still learning. You are amazing. I love you so much.

I mean it. (24:14) And I'll talk to you in the next one. All right, sister, that's all I got for you today, (24:25) but I have two things that I need you to do.

First thing, if you're not already following me (24:31) on the gram, be sure to do so. Julie A Ledbetter. Yes, it's with an A in the middle for that (24:36) daily post-workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks, and honest accountability to keep (24:41) your mind and heart in check.

The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts (24:46) to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world.

(24:52) And I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my (24:57) life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. (25:04) Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface.

So go out there and embrace your (25:08) because you're worth it.

 
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