Where Your Body Image Issues Stem From Part 2
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Where does your poor body image kind of stem from?
When did you begin to develop this negative view about your body and why?
At what age did you start to view kind of your body negatively or differently?
Did something happen at that time that triggered you to change the view that you have about your body?
If we want to change the way we feel about our bodies, the first step we should do is to determine where it all began. We need to know the root cause, because those roots are causing more and more weeds to grow, per se, and if we pull the roots, we can stop more weeds from growing.
This is the second part of the 3-part series of Where Your Body Image Issues Stem From by the Embrace Your Real podcast. I’ll dive into where your body image issues could have potentially stemmed from and why you're holding on to it today.
What I discuss:
6. Sports or activities
7. Instagram, TikTok, Movies, Social Media
8. Comparison to an old version of ourselves
9. Aging
10. Pregnancy or post-partum
Links Mentioned in the Episode:
Episode 304: Where Your Body Image Issues Stem From Part 1
Beauty Begins: Amazon Storefront
If you want more from me, be sure to check out...
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Transcript:
Hey. Hey, beautiful human. Can I steal 5 minutes of your time? I have something super important to share with you, but I promise I'll be really quick. You're listening to my weekly bonus episode of Embrace Your Real with Me, Julie Ledbetter. I'm about to give you a quick tip for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned. If you're ready to embrace a real. Let's get it. Let's go.
Hello and welcome to part two of our series where our body image issues stem from. So like I mentioned in part one, if we really want to change the way that we feel about our bodies, I believe that a huge stepping stone is really determining kind of where it all began. Like, we need to know the root cause because those roots, if not identified and dealt with, they're going to continue to grow more weeds per se. Instead of just uprooting the entire thing. Right. And I think that it's going to take some thought. It's going to take some getting down to the nitty gritty and talking about some real things. And so that's what we're going to be doing in part two of this series where our body image issues stem from. So I want to kind of frame this episode in a similar way that I did to part one and ask you some questions.
Where does your poor body image kind of stem from? When did you begin to develop this negative view about your body and why? At what age did you start to view kind of your body negatively or differently? Did something happen at that time that triggered you to change the view that you have about your body? Like I mentioned in Part one that when my parents were going through a divorce and I felt like I couldn't control my home life and I couldn't control that aspect of my life, I feel like that was when I really started to look at other areas of my life that I felt like I could control. And so in that period when I was, you know, 13, 14 years old, that was an event that happened in my life that I believe was a trigger in me, really focusing so much on trying to control the controllables because I had so much external in my life that I couldn't control and kind of whatever it is. Why are you still clinging on to that today? So hopefully by the end of this episode it will help you start to answer these questions or at the very least start a conversation in your mind or even in a journaling session. Before we dive in, though, I wanted to share this review. It comes from K definitely knows she gave a five star review and said Perfect timing. This show is so positive and real. Episode three popped up on my phone while I was in my garage working out and really struggling with body image. I was feeling down for no fully tangible reason. However, it really helped me think and put things into perspective. Thank you so much. Okay. I'm so grateful that Episode 308 helped you. I am thankful for you. And this is my hope and this is my prayer is that we can encourage you, empower you at the very least, helped start kind of conversations in your mind, in your heart, in your journaling sessions that will allow you to put things into proper perspective. So thank you so much for leaving a review. I appreciate every single one of your guys's reviews. They really do mean the world to me. Okay, so in part one, I talked about how your body image issues could have stemmed from one of the following or all of the above. [00:03:32][129.4]
[00:03:32] Number one, I talked about a parent or guardian, their body image, the people that you lived with growing up. Number two, family comments, whether that's immediate family or family that you would see, you know, once a year or a couple of times a year. Number three, people that you have dated in your past, so significant, others in the past. Number four, the lack of control that you have or had in your life at one point. And number five, not having a passion or a purpose in your life. So those are the five things that I talked about. In part one, I will link part one in the shownotes if you want to hear kind of more of a deep dive into all of those topics, I will link that in the show notes that you can easily go listen next. [00:04:14][42.1]
[00:04:15] But let's dive into five more places where I believe your body image issues may be stemming from. So number six, sports or activities. Any of those that you are involved in. So for me, I was a cheerleader in high school, and prior to that I was kind of I don't want to say I was a tomboy, but I was definitely not like girly girl, you know, not like what the cliche version of a cheerleader is. And, you know, softball. You're wearing like these uniforms that are not they're not like tank tops there. And I was I was always taller in my class. I was always kind of bigger boned, if you will. Like, I just I feel like I developed faster than the majority of my people. And I, I didn't really think a lot about it. And it wasn't until I was in cheerleading. And, you know, there's so many factors that went into this, like when I was a cheerleader, I was a cheerleader junior and senior year of my high school, which was also subsequently basically around the same time that my parents are going through a divorce. There were so many changes happening in my home life that I felt like I couldn't control. And I had made the senior cheer squad. And so you're cheering in front of the school. And you know, people look at you, you're in a skirt, you're in this, you know, small tank top. And and I think that that really just put a lot of pressure on me. And, you know, looking back, I'm like, oh, sweet Julie, like, why did you allow those things to affect you so much? But they did. And whether, you know, you you did gymnastics or you were in certain sports, like I also know, you know, later in my twenties I was involved in bikini competition and I did that. You know, I competed in 2013 and I also competed in 2014. And that would really trigger a lot of negative body image. I've talked about this a lot in the podcast, but when I really started like competing at first I went into it because I felt strong and I loved that I was lifting and I was feeling so much stronger than I ever felt before because I was finally starting to like, honor my body in the gym. But then I feel like the bikini world took on an entirely different and I think it was just really easy for me to lose sight of kind of everything that I was doing. Like the the beauty of feeling my body and moving my body shifted completely to solely focusing on the esthetics. And I believe that it led me down a really kind of disordered approach to nutrition and lifting solely for the focus of me getting on stage to have four or five, two or three of those being male, two or three of those being female judged me solely on my body like nothing else. Like no word came out of my mouth on that stage. They were solely focusing on every single aspect of my body. And this is just, you know, speaking from my experience, I man, I specifically remember when I got up on that stage in 2014, I had I wanted to do that prep in 2014 to kind of redeem my prep in 2013. And so I went at my prep in 2014, my bikini competition prep at 2014 from a totally different perspective, hired a coach, did you know, flexible nutrition throughout the entire way was literally eating like tons of carbs. So it wasn't really that I was cutting my food groups. However, with that being said, I was very, very strict. Like I never went off my macros, I never missed a training session. I was very rigid in that sense. And, you know, many disciplines came out of that aspect of kind of my prep. But I specifically remember when I won my IBF bikini pro card on that stage in Denver, Colorado, in 2014, July of 2014. I remember telling myself as I received that award, I was named Pro, which is my was my ultimate goal. I just wanted to become pro. I just wanted to become pro. I attained it. And I remember standing on that stage feeling so empty, feeling like I am solely judged by my esthetics. Like, are you kidding me? This is not the purpose of my life. And I remember with the trophy in my hand, walking off that stage, telling myself I will never compete again. I will never be solely judged by my esthetics. I am worth so much more than that. I have so much more to give. And again, this is just my experience. But I believe that the sports, the activities that we are involved in, there's so many things that can stem from that. And, you know, even though I was so physically fit in that moment, I was so far gone mentally and spiritually and I just saw my body in such a negative light. And I remember picking apart every single part of my body leading up to that show because I was solely focused on like, Oh my gosh, I need I need to be X, Y, and Z body fat so that I can make sure that I win this pro card. And I mean, it was such a disordered way of thinking. You know, there's so many examples of this, but my podcast producer, as we were writing this together, she was saying, you know, I was a figure skater and for her personally, this is her experience. Like she said, that, you know, your body in the way that your body looked played a major role in how well you placed as in competitions. So being smaller allowed you to perform tricks more easily. You're kind of pressured from coaches to lose weight so that you could improve, you know, your jumps or all the different tricks that you're doing. You could be faster and kind of those same things. I've heard from multiple friends and people that I know of, people doing dance, ballet, gymnastics, like so many other sports, you know, being smaller meant that you were better and you were promoted by the coaches or you were praised by the judges or your teammates or whatever it is, right? Even though you may not be participating in these sports anymore, the body that you quote unquote needed to have in your adolescent years or your early twenties might still stand as what you think the ideal body is. And if you don't have that body, your mind is still telling you that you need to be like that, that that's what you need. You need to look like that in anything bigger or different than that isn't good enough. Number seven Instagram Tik Tok movies. Media like, I'm just going to put it all out there. On social media, we are bombarded with images of influencers and models and perfect bodies and flawless skin and professionally done makeup and perfectly lighted and angled videos and photos and all of these things. But regardless of us knowing that they're curated, we still feel like we need to measure up. And it's because we're constantly bombarded by these things. And I think that we we just forget. We forget that everything is so perfectly positioned on social media, the use of filters, the editing tools, things that can make images even more unrealistic and more unattainable. And we have to remind ourselves that those are not even real. But oftentimes we are pushing ourselves to attain an image that isn't even real. But in our minds, we think that it is right. Like, for example, TikTok has so many people that are dancing, they're lip singing, they're showing off their bodies, they're doing the makeup tutorials, whatever it is. But when rerecord ourselves doing it, we feel like we're appalled by the way that we look. We we feel this sense of pressure to look a certain way. And especially, man these young girls on Tik tok, like, Oh, my heart just breaks. Because the other day I was thinking as I was watching these girls at a grocery store in a parking lot, they like had their phone propped up and they were doing some dance together and they were probably, I'm not even you're like 12 years old if that. And they just kept redoing it and kept doing it. And I could sense the pressure in their minds, like even by just watching them. And it just made me so sad. And I was talking with the friend about me and like, I can't even imagine having a phone. So, you know, when I was 13, it was 2003. Like the phone was not even a thing. I believe when I was maybe 13 or 14, I did okay. The phone was a thing, but the iPhone was not a thing. And I specifically remember, you know, just my childhood not being on a phone. There was no social media. We like when we were bored, we would tell our parents like, Oh, mom, we're bored. And she'd be like, okay, like, go outside, go figure it out. Go. You know, my sister and I would make, like, home cooking videos and dancing videos and all these things with like our VHS. And it's just crazy to think about all the images and all of the social pressure that is being bombarded on a daily and weekly basis, and not just from social media, but also obviously just mainstream media like movies and TV shows. And, you know, oftentimes they're casted by their physical appearance and they're expected to conform to these certain standards of beauty. And when we watch these things, we, you know, we suddenly ask ourselves, like, why don't we look like that or can we look more like this or whatever it is, but we forget that these actresses and actors are paid millions to look a certain way and based even on that, like their makeup and the the post editing of the movie, like there are so many things that are not real that we think are real. And I think that this can just lead to a very distorted view of what a person should look like. And then we look at that and we look at ourselves and we believe that we are not measuring up. And I just want to remind you that 99.9% of this, I'm going to go out on like 99.9% of this is a highlight reel that you are seeing on a daily basis, even if they're being real, even if they're coming on like, you know, right after they woke up and they're doing it, get ready with me. And it's it's still edited. It's still you're just seeing a glimpse into their day. You're not seeing the full picture. And so I just want to remind you of that. And I know it's so cliche, but like, stop comparing your behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel. I feel the need to remind us of that because we are bombarded by so many things on a daily basis and we don't even recognize it because we're so used to it. We're so used to living our life with social media and having all these things bombard us on a daily basis. Number eight comparison to an older version of ourselves. So when we're. Constantly comparing ourselves to what we look like in a different view or a different time in our lives. I believe that we continue to kill our self-image, like when we are comparing ourselves to a time in our life where we were at a totally different stage in our physical development. AK Your early twenties, before you really develop life inside of your body, are when you compare yourself to a time where you had a completely different lifestyle. We are comparing ourselves to a time where maybe, like I just mentioned earlier about my competition, like just having kind of this disordered mindset around fitness and these disordered fitness habits that, you know, maybe today we're eating a balanced diet, we have a healthy relationship with the weights and and the food that we're eating, and yet we still feel like we are always having to compare ourselves with where we're at compared to X, Y and Z time in our life. And I think that this constant comparison can really lead to unhealthy habits and behaviors and triggers that revert us back to these unhealthy habits and behaviors that maybe we once had. So we, you know, need to realize that our body is the way that it is today because our life is different than it was. I believe as long as we nourish our bodies with what it needs and provide our bodies with the movement that our needs, and we're honoring our body with movement intentionally on a daily, weekly basis, our bodies are going to naturally become what they're supposed to be. We need to stop forcing our body back to what it was and instead treat our body the way that it deserves to be treated and then appreciate, celebrate and accept it for what exactly it is meant to be. Which leads me to number nine aging. Now, many of us have trouble with getting older. Let's be real. When we get wrinkles around our eyes or we get a little bit more cellulite around our bum or our boobs don't fall the same way that they used to. Or we don't think our metabolism is as fast as it once was. Our stomachs want to carry a little bit more fat than they used to. Whatever it is, all these are signs of aging, of getting older. As we age, our bodies go through so many changes, both physically, hormonally, and these changes can affect how we see ourselves and how we feel about our body, Right? What doesn't help is that society really values youth, and it's because it's a moneymaker. Like they value the Botox in the popular skincare because it's worth billions and billions and billions of dollars. People will spend money left and right to ensure that they keep looking their younger self instead of accepting their age and celebrating their age gracefully. And I have to note here that to each their own, if you do Botox, if you do whatever it is, great. If that's if that's what makes you feel good, amazing. But I want you to know that you don't have to do that. I want you to know that, you know, even though you saw X, Y, and Z influencer who's only 23 and she's getting Botox every two months, like, you don't have to do that. You don't. I mean, you could if you wanted to. But I think it's important to remember that aging is a natural process and that our bodies are going to change over time. Everybody's body, well, not just yours. Your body is not the only one that's aging. Right. It's important to focus on our overall health and wellbeing rather than solely focusing on our physical appearance. It's also important to challenge societal and cultural expectations of aging and to embrace our bodies as they are, rather than trying to fight off the natural process of aging. I believe that the best thing that we can do for anti-aging is to take care of our bodies. If we focus on nourishing our bodies with what it needs. Focus on building the muscle mass. Our bodies can stand the test of time and we can feel so dang strong in them. Whatever our bodies look like. After doing our best to take care of them again, we need to just accept them and celebrate the strength and beauty that we have at every single stage in our life. And lastly, number ten, pregnancy and postpartum. So I personally don't have experience. I have not gone through pregnancy. I have not gone through postpartum yet. So I can't speak from experience. But I do know that countless of you who are listening maybe struggle with your body image due to this, right? The physical changes that occur during pregnancy, the weight gain, the stretch marks, changes in your hair, your skin. It can make women feel very self-conscious and dissatisfied with their bodies. And then, after giving birth, the changes that your body's and your hormones continue to go through, such as postpartum weight retention, step separation, the breast changes so many different things, it can make it hard to start. You feel positive about your body and, you know, plus on top of that place, the expectations to bounce back after pregnancy. Any positive thought that you maybe had about your body image is completely tossed out the window. The emphasis on returning to that pre-pregnancy body can make it really difficult for you to accept and love your body during this time period, when in fact, this should be the time that you are celebrating. You are congratulating. You are loving your body more than you ever have before. I need to remind you I will be that friend even though I have not gone through this yet. I will be that friend to remind you that pregnancy and postpartum, their natural, they're normal processes and your body is literally designed to go through these things. Like literally, instead of focusing on the negative aspects of these changes. I want to encourage you to shift your thinking to focusing about the amazing thing that your body is doing, whether you're in pregnancy, you're literally growing a human being or what you did by giving birth to a human being. It's super wild. It's an incredible thing that our bodies as women are capable of doing. And I don't want us to villainize our bodies when we go through something so amazing as this. Like, I truly believe that the fact that our body is designed to not only create, but sustain life. Birth, a human being, I believe it is such an incredible, beautiful and holy thing that we need to remind ourselves that our bodies are so dang strong and you are so dang incredible for going through it and just know that what you're feeling right now, you will not feel like that forever. And I can tell you that because there are I have, you know, 15 plus women in my direct like circle of life that have been moms in the last 5 to 7 years. And and I've walked through every stage of that with them. And to be able to see, you know, where they were three weeks postpartum, a month postpartum, three months postpartum, nine months postpartum in their mindset in in the strength that their body gains over time. Like, please just be patient with yourself. Don't rush the process. Enjoy it. I know that it's hard. You know, I don't know from experience, but I only know from walking alongside of so many women in my life that have gone through this. And I just want you to know that you are so beautiful and you are so powerful and you're doing the dang thing, Mama. Like, keep going. I'm proud of you. You are amazing. And what you're feeling right now. You'll not. You will not feel like that forever. But don't villainize your body during this time. It's such a sweet short time season in your life. And I'm speaking all these things because I know one day I'm going to be in your shoes and I'm going to need this pep talk to you. So I love you. I want you to know that you are amazing, and I want you to know that your body is so powerful. And the fact that you just went through something like that, where you're going through something like that is so beautiful and holy. And I just want you to savor every moment of it. Okay, So there you have it. Those are five more places that potentially our negative body image issues are stemming from. So let me quickly recap that. Number six sports or activities that we were involved in. Number seven, Instagram tik-tok. Movies, social media, you fill in the blank. Number eight, comparison to an old version of ourselves. Number nine, aging and number ten, pregnancy or postpartum. If you haven't listened to part one, I will link it in the show notes that you can easily go listen Episode three or four where your body image issues stem from Part one. As a reminder, as we kind of dive into these things, I want you to do some self reflecting, whether that is, you know, bookmarking this episode and listening to it again. When you have time, buy a journal where you're able to really kind of journal your thoughts. And I just want to encourage you to identify these things, accept it, and then start to move on and say, you know, I've identified this and I know that maybe a negative body image issue came from this, but I'm not going to live there anymore. Like I have the opportunity to grow. And that's the most beautiful thing that as human beings we are able to grow and evolve. And so I want to encourage you to, yes, sit and reflect and yes, accept, identify, accept, but not stay there, move forward, give yourself grace through this process and know that this is just a part of learning and growing. And you are amazing. I am so, so, so proud of you for diving into this. And if you are looking for a book, I wanted to recommend a book that I read. Years ago. I've loved it. I recommended it to many people. It's a it's a pretty basic book, but I really feel like it has some great principles. It's called Beauty Begins. It's a book that is on my Amazon storefront, and it's by Megan and Chris Shirk. That's sh0k. And like I said, it's on my Amazon storefront. But you can also you can get it. I'm sure you can buy it anywhere, but you can also maybe rent it at the library if you don't want to buy it. But it's been a great book and I think that it had so many great truths in there. And it's a it's a Christian book, so it's coming out kind of self esteem and body image issues from a Christian biblical standpoint. And I really, really enjoyed it. I have some other books that I'm diving into this year and I don't like to share them until I've personally read them, but I'm excited to share one that I'm kind of currently working through right now, and I think that I'm just excited for you guys to hear more about it, but I have to finish it first. But that is all that I have for today's episode. I hope that this helped. I hope that this maybe gave you kind of a starting point or also just kind of a little nudge, like a sisterly nudge, like, Hey, let's deal with these things so that we don't have to continue to walk backwards with this issue. You are beautiful. You are powerful. If you have a sister or friend or a coworker that you feel like would benefit from this specific episode, I just ask that you share it out with them. You can copy the link, send it to them in a text message. You can also screenshot this and post it up on your Instagram. We love connect with you. I love you so much. I mean it and I'll talk to you in the next time. I'm all right, sister. That's all I got for you today. But I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you are not already following me on the gram, be sure to do so. Julie a lot better. Yes. It's women in the middle for that daily post workout. Real talk, healthy tips and tricks and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world. And I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and embrace the real because you're worth it.