Why Your Relationship With Food Matters More Than What You're Actually Eating

 

Hey hey beautiful human! Can I ask you something honest? How much of your mental energy today went toward thinking about food? What you ate, what you should not have eaten, what you are planning to eat, whether you were good or bad?

Because here is something most women have never considered. You can have the most perfectly balanced plate in the room and still be deeply unhappy around food. And that disconnect, the anxiety, the guilt, the constant mental noise, is doing more damage to your health and your body than anything on your plate ever could.

In this episode I walk you through where a complicated relationship with food actually starts, five specific signs that yours might need some attention, and what food freedom genuinely looks like in real life. Not as a concept. In practice.

What's Discussed:

  • Where a complicated relationship with food actually starts and why it is not your fault

  • How the restriction cycle creates disordered thinking around food over time

  • Five specific signs that your relationship with food needs some attention

  • What food freedom actually looks like in real life

  • How to start building an approach to eating that feels like intention and peace at the same time

Ready to use macros as a tool for awareness and freedom instead of another rigid system to follow perfectly or abandon completely? Check out Macro Counting Made Simple at macrocountingmadesimple.com. 

If you loved this episode, you'll also love: Episode 542: Why Adjusting Your Macros Matters When You Increase Your Exercise. It will help you take the awareness you built here and apply it in a practical way as your training evolves. 

If you want more from me, be sure to check out… 

Website: www.juliealedbetter.com

Transcript

(0:00) Hey there, beautiful human. You're listening to Embrace Your Reel with me, Julie Ledbetter, (0:05) a podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I give you a dose of real (0:11) talk and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally (0:16) loving your authentic self.

Stay tuned if you're ready to Embrace Your Reel. Let's get it. Let's go.

(0:28) Hello and welcome back to another episode on the Embrace Your Reel podcast. I'm so glad (0:32) that you're here today because this episode is one that I've wanted to make for a long time and I (0:36) think it's going to hit home for a lot of you. Like you've done the diets, you've tracked the (0:40) food, you've followed the plan, you've hit your macros, you've eaten the right things at the (0:43) right time.

By every external measure, you are doing everything right. And yet you still feel (0:48) anxious before social events because of what may be on the menu. You still feel guilty after (0:53) eating something that wasn't in the plan.

You still just spend this disproportionate amount of (0:58) your mental energy thinking about food and you still wake up in the morning after a weekend (1:02) and feel like you have to make up for what you ate. This is not food freedom. This is just a (1:07) different kind of a prison with a cleaner label on it.

And I really want you to understand that (1:12) the way that you think and feel about food matters just as much, maybe even more than what (1:17) you're actually eating because you can have the most perfectly balanced plate in the room and (1:22) still be deeply unhappy around food. And that disconnect is exactly what we're going to be (1:27) talking about in today's episode. So in today's episode, we're going to get super clear (1:31) into what a complicated relationship with food actually looks like, how to recognize it in (1:36) yourself and what food freedom really means in practice.

Here's what you're going to be walking (1:40) away from after listening. First, I want you to understand where a complicated relationship (1:46) with food typically starts and why it's so common. Second, you'll be able to identify (1:51) five specific signs that your relationship with food needs some attention.

And third, (1:56) my hope is that you'll have a clear, honest picture of what food freedom actually looks (2:00) like, not the Instagram version, but the real version. Before we dive in, though, (2:04) I want to share this review. It really made my day.

Jenny W gave a five star review and said, (2:09) I'm a smarter, wiser woman listening to this podcast. Hi there. If you're anything like me (2:13) and get so much joy from exercise and eating healthy, but might have found yourself on the (2:18) border of having an unhealthy transactional relationship with movement and food during (2:22) your journey.

I highly recommend listening. I'm so grateful. I found Julie and the (2:27) past two days, she has helped me shift my mindset and I feel so empowered to make small (2:31) shifts to make sure I'm fueling my body optimally and quiet that inner critic.

(2:37) Thank you for creating the content that will change lives for the better. I love this so (2:41) much. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to send in this review.

Genuinely, (2:45) they mean the world to me and this made my day because this is always my hope and prayer. (2:50) Like every time I turn this microphone on, I want to educate you, empower you, (2:54) encourage you in some way, shape or form. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. (2:58) All right.

Let's just dive right in. Before we get to the list, I want to spend a few (3:02) minutes on this because I think it's really important that you understand how most of us (3:05) got here so that you can stop blaming yourself for it because a complicated relationship with (3:10) food almost never starts with food itself. It starts with the messages that we've absorbed (3:15) about food from a very young age.

The idea that certain foods are good and others are (3:20) bad, that eating less is more disciplined, that your body is the problem and it needs to be managed, (3:27) that you need to earn your food through exercise or restrict it through willpower, (3:31) that how you look is a direct reflection of what you eat and how much self-control you have or (3:36) don't have. Diet culture has been feeding us these messages for decades, like through magazines, (3:41) through movies, through social media, through well-meaning family members even. Through programs (3:47) that promise transformation if you just follow the rules hard enough.

When you follow those rules, (3:52) they might work for a little bit, but inevitably they're going to stop working because restriction (3:56) is just not sustainable and you don't blame the rules, you just blame yourself. You have decided (4:02) that you're the problem. You weren't disciplined enough.

You didn't want it badly enough. (4:06) You find another set of rules and you just start the cycle all over again. That restriction cycle, (4:12) the restrict break, feel guilty, restrict harder, is where most disordered thinking around food is (4:18) born.

The longer that you live in that cycle, the more complicated your relationship with food becomes (4:23) until food stops being something you eat to fuel and nourish your body and become something (4:29) you manage, fear, reward yourself with, punish yourself for, and obsess over. None of that is (4:35) your fault, but it is something worth addressing in my opinion. Here are five signs that your (4:41) relationship with food needs attention.

Number one, you feel guilt or shame after eating certain (4:46) foods. So guilt is not a normal response to eating. I want to say that clearly because I think a lot of (4:52) us have lived with this food guilt for so long that it feels completely normal, like an expected (4:57) part of eating something indulgent or going off plan.

But here's the truth, food does not have (5:02) a moral value. Like eating a piece of cake does not mean that you are a bad person. Eating more (5:08) than you plan does not make you a failure.

And when we attach guilt and shame to food choices, (5:14) we're not just making eating unpleasant. We're actively damaging our relationship with our (5:19) own bodies and guilt doesn't make us eat better. Research consistently shows that it makes us (5:25) actually eat worse because shame leads to this all or nothing spiral that ends typically in (5:30) binging, restricting, and starting over.

So if you regularly feel guilty after eating, (5:36) that is a sign worth paying attention to. Number two, you eat perfectly all week, (5:41) but then you binge on the weekends. This is one of the most common patterns that I hear from women (5:45) and it almost always traces back to restriction.

So when you hold yourself to an extremely rigid (5:50) standard during the week, depriving yourself of foods that you actually enjoy, your body and (5:55) brain are simply just waiting for the moment the rules relax. And the moment that they do (6:00) on Friday night at the party or on a Sunday, when you've decided that this week was already (6:05) right off, the floodgates open. And this isn't a willpower problem.

It's a restriction problem. (6:11) The pendulum swings hard in the other direction precisely because you've pulled it (6:15) so far the other way throughout the entire week. The fix isn't more willpower.

It's really (6:22) building an approach to eating that's flexible enough that you never feel deprived enough to (6:27) binge in the first place. Number three, food takes up a disproportionate amount of your (6:32) mental energy. So I want you to think about how much time you actually spend thinking about (6:36) food in a given day, planning what you're going to eat, thinking about what you ate, (6:40) calculating whether you can eat something later based on what you ate earlier, researching (6:45) the menu before you go somewhere, feeling preoccupied with food, even when you're not (6:49) hungry, some planning and awareness around food that can be healthy, even useful.

But when food (6:55) is consuming a significant portion of your mental bandwidth, that is one of the primary things that (7:01) your brain returns to throughout the day. That is a sign that something is out of balance and that (7:06) mental energy could be going towards your relationships, your goals, your creativity, (7:11) your presence in your own life. A healthy relationship with food should free up mental (7:15) space, not consume it.

Number four, you can't enjoy social eating without anxiety or mental (7:22) math. So food is one of the most social, connective, joyful parts of a human life. (7:27) It's how we celebrate, it's how we gather, it's how we show love.

And if you're sitting at a birthday (7:31) party, dinner, doing mental calculations about what you can order or feeling anxious about a work lunch (7:37) because you just don't know what's going to be served or avoiding social events altogether because (7:41) it's just easier than navigating the food, that is a quality of life issue, not just a nutrition (7:47) issue. You deserve to be able to sit at a table with people that you love and actually be present, (7:53) not calculating, not compensating, not managing, just eating and enjoying the experience of being (7:59) together. And last but not least, number five, your mood for the day is determined on how well (8:05) you ate.

This one is a sneaky one because it can look like discipline from the outside, (8:10) but if eating on plan makes you feel proud and confident and going off plan makes you feel (8:14) defeated, anxious, or like the whole day is ruined, your sense of self-worth has become tied (8:19) to your food choices. And that is an incredibly exhausting and unstable way to live. Your value (8:25) as a person has absolutely nothing to do with whether you hit your macros today, a good day, (8:30) a bad day of eating are both just days.

They do not define you, they do not determine your (8:34) worth and they do not undo your progress. So when food choices have that much power over (8:40) your emotional state, it's a sign that your relationship needs some rebalancing. (8:44) So what does food freedom actually look like? I want to be really clear here (8:49) because food freedom oftentimes gets misrepresented.

It doesn't mean eating whatever you want, (8:55) whenever you want with no awareness or intention. That's not freedom. That's just chaos in the (9:00) other direction.

Real food freedom looks like this. You eat with intention and awareness, (9:05) but without obsession. You know roughly what's in your food and how it serves your body (9:11) without having to track every gram forever.

You can eat a piece of birthday cake and (9:15) move on without guilt. You can go to a restaurant and order what you actually want. You can have (9:20) an off day and not let it spiral into an off week.

You can be flexible without feeling like (9:25) you failed. Food freedom is eating in a way that supports your goals and genuinely feels (9:31) good mentally and physically. It's knowing enough about nutrition to make those informed (9:36) choices without being enslaved to the rules.

It's trusting yourself around food instead of (9:42) fearing yourself. And getting there, it's a process. It does not happen overnight, especially (9:47) if you spent years in the restriction cycles, but it absolutely happens and it's worth working (9:53) towards.

And this is actually one of the most things that I am passionate about with my (9:58) macrocounting and simple online academy because I have seen so many women come into macrocounting (10:03) thinking that it's just another set of rules to follow perfectly and then discover (10:08) that done right, it can actually be a tool that gives them the awareness to stop obsessing. (10:14) So when you genuinely understand what you're eating and why food stops being this scary, (10:19) uncontrollable thing, you stop swinging between restriction and binging and you stop attaching (10:25) yourself worth to your food choices. You start eating with intention and peace at the same time.

(10:30) My macrocounty made simple online academy is going to walk you through how to use macros (10:35) as a tool for awareness and freedom, not just this rigid system that either you follow perfectly (10:41) or you abandon completely. If you're ready to change your relationship with food or just (10:45) want to learn more, you can go to macrocountingmadesimple.com. I'll also link it in the show notes, (10:50) but let's kind of bring home today's episode. So your relationship with food matters just as (10:55) much as what you're actually eating.

And for a lot of women, it actually can matter even more. (10:59) Complicated food relationships come from restriction cycles, diet culture, this all (11:04) or nothing thinking, and that's not your fault. But the five signs that your relationship with (11:08) food needs some attention are number one, guilt and shame after eating.

Number two, (11:12) the restrict and binge cycle. Number three, food taking up way too much mental energy. (11:18) Number four, anxiety around social eating.

And number five, your mood being dictated by how (11:23) well you ate. Food freedom in real life doesn't look like eating whatever you want with no (11:28) awareness. It looks like eating with intention and without guilt.

Being flexible without feeling (11:33) a failure and trusting yourself around food instead of fearing yourself. This is what you deserve, (11:39) in my opinion, and it absolutely is possible. I have seen so many women over the past decade (11:45) get there, and I personally myself have experienced food freedom beyond what I could imagine.

(11:51) And I'm so grateful, especially going through so many seasons where there was a season (11:55) of going through reverse dieting and then going into a body fat loss cycle and then going into (12:01) maintenance and just learning how to maintain and then being at maintenance and then getting (12:06) pregnant and then having my baby and then going through postpartum. And now almost two years (12:11) since I've had Blake and just falling in love again with the process and becoming the strongest (12:16) version of myself, but now as a mom, I'm telling you these seasons, it is amazing what food (12:23) freedom can do. So if this episode resonated with you, I think you'll also love episode 546, (12:28) how to count macros without obsessing over the numbers.

It really goes hand in hand with (12:32) everything that we've talked about in today's episode. You can find the link for that in my (12:36) show notes and also make sure you're following the show on Apple podcast or Spotify so that (12:40) you never miss an episode. And if this specific episode meant something to you today, (12:45) a quick review goes such a long way in helping more women find this content.

(12:49) It truly means the world to us, but that is all that I have for today's episode. (12:53) I love you so dang much. I mean it.

And I hope that today was a small reminder (12:57) that you deserve to feel free, not just in your body, but around food too. (13:02) I'll talk to you in the next one. All right, sister, that's all I got for you today, (13:15) but I have two things that I need you to do.

First thing, if you're not already following me (13:21) on the gram, be sure to do so. Julie A. Ledbetter. Yes, it's with an A in the middle (13:25) for that daily post-workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks, and honest accountability to (13:31) keep your mind and heart in check.

The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple podcast (13:36) to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world.

(13:42) And I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my (13:47) life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. (13:54) Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface.

So go out there and embrace your (13:58) realm because you're worth it.

 
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