How To Stop Feeling Guilty Doing Things You Actually Enjoy

 

Hey hey beautiful human! One question for you: When did enjoying something become something I need permission for? When did hobbies turn into something that needs to be productive? When did doing things just because they make me happy become frivolous or selfish?

Women who can't watch a show without folding laundry at the same time. Women who've turned every hobby into a side hustle because they can't justify doing something unless it's "productive." Women who can't spend an hour on a creative project without feeling like they're being selfish. 

So today, we're talking about why you feel guilty doing things you actually enjoy - and more importantly, how to stop.

What I discuss:

  • The Productivity Guilt Epidemic

  • Why Joy Feels Selfish (Even When You're Depleted)

  • The Permission to Do Things Just Because They Make You Happy

  • How to Reclaim Hobbies Without Justifying Them

If you loved this episode, I think you'll really love Episode 523: Choosing Yourself: What It Really Means. I'll leave a link in the show notes. 

If you want more from me, be sure to check out… 

Transcript

(0:00) Hey there, beautiful human. You're listening to Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter, (0:05) a podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I give you a dose of real (0:11) talk and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally (0:16) loving your authentic self.

Stay tuned if you're ready to Embrace Your Real. Let's get it. Let's go.

(0:29) Hello and welcome back to another episode on the Embrace Your Real podcast. My name is Julie (0:33) Ledbetter. I'm so excited that you are here with me today.

I was sitting on the couch last weekend, (0:38) just reading a book, just reading nothing productive, no workout scheduled, no earning (0:42) it. I just felt this wave of guilt wash over me. I should be doing something more useful with my (0:48) time.

I was just wasting the day. I needed to justify what I was allowing myself to do, (0:53) sit there, and just enjoy something. I had to stop and ask myself, when did enjoying something (0:58) become something that I need permission for? When did hobbies turn into something that (1:02) need to be productive? And when did doing things just because they make me happy become (1:07) frivolous or selfish? I know I'm not alone with this because I talk to women every single day who (1:12) feel the exact same way.

Women who can't watch a show without folding laundry at the same time. (1:17) Women who've turned every hobby into a side hustle because they just can't justify doing (1:21) something unless it's productive. Women who can't spend an hour on a creative project without (1:25) feeling like they're being selfish.

And so today we're talking about why you feel guilty (1:31) doing the things that you actually enjoy. And more importantly, like how to stop that. (1:35) Before we dive in though, I want to share this review.

She gave a five-star review and said, (1:39) stop everything you're doing and listen. This is a nice dose of reality and motivation. (1:44) I've been doing your movie Julie app for almost seven months now and I've never felt (1:48) more empowered and strong.

Thank you so, so much for taking time out of your day. (1:54) I really, really, really genuinely appreciate every single one of you guys who leave a rating (1:59) interview. It really does mean the world to me and our team.

Just kind of know how the podcast (2:03) in general is helping you or maybe a specific episode, but we're just going to dive right into (2:08) it. Okay. So let's start this off by naming what this experience is because I think a lot of us go (2:14) through this, but we don't have words for it.

Productivity guilt is the feeling that you're (2:20) wasting time. If you're not being productive, it's this belief that rest and joy need to be (2:25) earned through work. And it's this internalized voice that says, shouldn't you be doing something (2:30) more important? It's everywhere.

We live in a culture that glorifies hustle, like sleep when (2:35) you're dead, grind mode, rising grind, no days off. Your worth is just measured by your output. (2:40) Your value is tied to how much you accomplish.

And the rest, rest is for people who aren't (2:44) serious about their goals. At least that's the message that I think as a society we've absorbed. (2:50) And then you add in social media on top of that.

Everyone's highlight real, (2:52) makes it look like they're constantly productive, constantly achieving, (2:56) constantly doing something important. When you're just sitting on the couch, (2:58) reading a book or watching a show and you just, you feel like you're falling behind. (3:02) But here's what I want you to understand.

Productivity guilt doesn't just appear out (3:06) of nowhere. It's been conditioned into us for women, especially we've been taught that (3:11) this selflessness equals virtue. That putting everyone else first is what's going to make (3:16) you a good mom, like a good wife, a good friend, a good employee, and doing something (3:21) just for yourself.

Well, that's selfish. That's indulgent. Like you're taking away (3:25) from the people who need you most, right? So productivity guilt shows up in all the (3:30) little ways throughout your day.

You can't watch TV without folding laundry or doing (3:33) something else at the same time because just sitting there feels wasteful. Like you can't feel, (3:38) you start to feel guilty spending time on hobbies that don't have a purpose beyond (3:42) enjoyment. Like you justify your hobbies by making them productive.

Like you read business (3:48) books instead of novels. You turn creative outlets into a side hustle. And when you do (3:52) have downtime, you're scrolling on your phone because somehow that feels less indulgent than (3:57) actually engaging in something that you love.

But the truth is none of this is making you (4:02) happier. It's making you exhausted. So now I kind of want to talk about like joy and enjoyment (4:08) because this is where the productivity guilt hits the hardest.

Most of us operate from (4:13) a joy is a reward mentality, right? You tell yourself, I'll do that hobby after I finish (4:18) this project. I'll read the novel after I get through the week. I'll take time for myself (4:22) after I hit this goal.

But the to-do list never ends. There's always something else. (4:27) So joy never actually comes.

And even when you make time for something that you enjoy, (4:31) you can't fully be present because you're thinking about everything else that you should be doing (4:35) instead. Enjoyment becomes something that you earn, not something that you deserve. And (4:43) if people see me doing something unproductive, what are they going to think that I'm not working (4:48) hard enough? This is especially true for high achievers, for moms, for entrepreneurs, for women (4:53) who've built their identity around being the person who can just handle it all.

There's this (4:57) pressure to always be on, to always have it together, to always be productive because (5:01) busyness, that has become a badge of honor. It makes you feel important. It makes you feel (5:06) needed, valuable, but the cost of this mindset is massive.

You're going to burn out. You're (5:13) toward the people who seem to make time for hobbies easily, towards yourself for not being (5:18) able to keep up, and you lose connection to the things that used to light you up because (5:22) you can't remember the last time that you did something just for fun. You're just mentally (5:26) exhausted, the kind of exhaustion that comes from never letting yourself enjoy life.

(5:30) So here's kind of the reframe that I need you to hear. Joy is not a luxury. It is essential.

(5:36) Your soul needs joy to thrive. Your brain needs creative outlets to process, and your wellbeing (5:42) needs activities that bring you pleasure. You don't have to earn the right to enjoy (5:47) these things.

You don't have to prove that you've done enough to deserve happiness, (5:51) and guilt. Guilt is not the same as truth. Just because you feel guilty doesn't mean you're (5:56) doing something wrong.

It just means that you've been conditioned to believe that enjoyment without (6:00) productivity is selfish, but it's not. It's necessary. Right now, I kind of want to talk (6:04) about joy because this is where the guilt gets even sneakier.

We've been conditioned (6:09) to believe that everything needs a purpose. It needs a benefit, a return on investment. (6:14) What's the point becomes the filter whether or not it's worth doing something, right? (6:19) And joy for joy's sake? Well, that just seems frivolous.

That seems wasteful. Like you're doing (6:24) something that is not using your time wisely. So let me give you some examples of things that (6:30) women tell me that they feel guilty enjoying.

Reading fiction books. Why? Because you shouldn't (6:36) be reading something that doesn't help you grow or learn a skill. Watching a show in the middle of (6:40) the day, even if all your work is done and you just want to relax.

Taking a nap because you (6:44) should be able to push through, or going for a walk without tracking your steps, (6:48) or calling it a workout. Because if it's not exercise, is it even worth it? Or doing a (6:52) creative hobby that doesn't make money, painting, knitting, gardening, whatever it is. (6:56) If it's not contributing financially, it feels indulgent.

And here's what I want to say to (7:01) all of that. You are allowed to do things just because they make you happy full stop. (7:07) Joy does not need to be justified.

Play, rest, pleasure. Those are not frivolous. (7:11) They're a part of being human.

You don't need a reason. You don't need to prove it's worth your (7:16) time. You don't need to earn it.

You're allowed to enjoy your life. And when you give yourself (7:21) permission to do that, when you stop requiring everything to have a purpose beyond just making (7:27) you feel good, everything shifts. You stop presenting the things that you have to do (7:31) because you're not running on empty anymore.

You show up more present in your relationships, (7:36) in your work, in your responsibilities, because you're not constantly depleted. (7:40) And you model that for the people around you, your kids, your friends, your spouse, (7:44) that rest and joy. That's okay.

That's not selfish to take care of yourself. (7:48) Okay. Now I want to get kind of get practical because I think one of the biggest casualties (7:52) of productivity guilt is hobbies.

When was the last time that you did something just (7:57) because you enjoyed it? Not because it was good for you, not because it was building a skill, (8:00) but just because it was fun for a lot of women. The answer is, I honestly cannot remember (8:05) because somewhere along the way, hobbies have died. Everything has become monetized, optimized.

(8:10) If I'm going to spend time on this, it should make money. It should build a skill. It can, (8:14) it should contribute to my goals in some way.

So hobbies turn into side hustles and joy turns (8:19) into pressure. You start painting and you suddenly you're selling prints on Etsy. You start baking (8:23) and now you're running a cake business.

You start working out and now you're a fitness (8:27) influencer. And look, there's nothing wrong with monetizing something that you love. Honestly, (8:31) you guys, I've made an entire career out of it.

I love dumbbell workouts, so I created (8:36) a dumbbell workout app that thousands of women use every single week, right? But a lot of women (8:41) do it just because they cannot justify spending time on something unless it's productive, (8:46) unless it has a purpose beyond just bringing them joy. And that that is the problem (8:50) because hobbies are supposed to be useless. That's the whole point.

You don't need to (8:55) be good at something to enjoy it. You don't need to turn it everything into a business. (8:59) You don't need to optimize it or track your progress to make it worth something.

(9:04) You're allowed to do things badly. You're allowed to do things slowly. You're allowed to do things (9:08) just because they make the time disappear and they make you feel alive.

So I want you to start (9:14) reclaiming your joy. And here's kind of some steps as to how you can do that. (9:18) Step number one, I want you to make a list of all the things that you used to love doing.

(9:22) Like before you had a full schedule, before you felt guilty, before everything became about (9:27) productivity, what did you do to make the time disappear? What made you feel like yourself? (9:32) Maybe it was reading. Maybe it was painting. Maybe it was drawing.

Maybe it was playing an (9:36) instrument. Maybe it was gardening or baking or writing or dancing, whatever it is. I want you (9:40) to write that down.

Step number two, I want you to pick one. I want you to do it this week. (9:45) No justification required.

Don't make it productive. Don't turn it into content. (9:49) Don't set a goal around it.

Just do it because it feels good. I want you to read the novel. (9:55) I want you to take the dance class.

I want you to bake the cookies and don't post about them. (9:58) Paint something terrible and don't show anyone. Just do the thing.

(10:02) Step number three, I want you to notice the guilt when it comes up and keep going anyway. (10:07) The guilt will probably show up. That's normal.

You're going to think, man, (10:11) I really should be doing something more important. I'm wasting time and this is selfish. (10:14) When that happens, just notice it, acknowledge it, and say, I notice I'm feeling guilty and then (10:20) keep going anyway because the guilt is just a feeling.

That's not truth and feelings don't (10:25) get to run your life. And step number four, I want you to protect your joy and your rest time (10:30) like you protect work time. Put it on the calendar.

Say no to things that would interfere (10:34) with it. Treat it as a non-negotiable because if you don't protect it, it won't happen. (10:38) Something else will always feel more urgent, but joy is not optional.

It is essential and you (10:45) deserve to have things in your life that bring you happiness for no other reason than they just (10:49) make you happy. All right, I want to recap everything that we covered in today's episode. (10:54) The productivity guilt epidemic is the belief that rest and joy need to be earned.

That hustle (10:59) culture messaging that is tied to your worth and your output and the fear of being seen as lazy (11:05) if you're not constantly productive. But why does this rest feel selfish? Well, the rest is a reward (11:10) mentality. The pressure is to always be on and the cost is going to be burnout, resentment, (11:15) and exhaustion.

And then kind of reframing your mindset. I want you to remember that rest is not (11:21) a reward. It's a biological need and guilt doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong.

(11:25) You don't have to earn the right to rest. Permission to do things just for joy. You don't (11:31) need to justify your happiness.

Joy is for joy's sake and it's not frivolous. You're allowed (11:36) to enjoy your life and I want you to reclaim those hobbies, right? Make a list of the things (11:42) that you love. Pick one and just do it this week.

No justification needed. Notice the guilt (11:47) and keep going anyways and I want you to protect your joy time like it's a non-negotiable. You are (11:52) allowed to do things just because they make you happy.

Full stop. No justification needed. No ROI (11:58) required.

No productivity metric to hit. Your life is not a business plan. You're allowed to (12:03) enjoy it.

And if you're ready to stop feeling guilty about rest days and really just start (12:08) training in a way that actually honors your body, I do have a program for that. It's called my (12:12) Move with Julie app. It is a program that strategically gives you workouts that all you (12:17) need is a few pair of dumbbells and a small space.

No more guessing when to push or when (12:23) to pull back. The plan does that for you. So you can check it out by going to sale that's (12:28) S A L E dot move with Julie dot com.

Literally you guys all you need is a few pair of dumbbells (12:32) and a small space. If you are a brand new subscriber you get 50 percent off your first (12:36) month. We also have an annual sale going on.

So if you sign up annually you get four months (12:41) for free. So it's a hundred and sixty dollars for the entire year. And so that just equates to (12:47) about four months for free or about sixteen dollars a month.

I'm telling you guys you get (12:51) five brand new workouts every single week released on Saturdays. We have a lower body upper body (12:56) cardio and core shoulders and glutes full body 30 minute or 60 minute depending on your time (13:01) constraints. So time is not an issue here.

Right. If you are low on time you can you (13:06) only have 15 20 minutes. Pull up that 30 minute option.

Do one or two giant circuits of the (13:13) workout and you will feel so much better. I'm telling you if you're also thinking OK (13:18) but I still struggle with putting myself first choosing myself over some other demands in my life. (13:23) I think you're also going to love episode 5 23 choosing yourself what it really means.

I will (13:27) link that in the show notes below. And if this episode was helpful for you please share it with (13:31) someone who needs it someone who is always busy maybe they're always productive and they never (13:35) give themselves permission to just enjoy something. And before I let you go I also if you have not (13:40) already followed the show on whatever platform you're listening please please please see that (13:45) it's completely free.

So whether you're on Spotify Apple podcast you can follow the show and be sure (13:50) to leave a review. That would mean the absolute world to me and our team just kind of know (13:54) how the podcast or maybe a specific episode helped you. That's everything for me today.

Thank you (13:58) so much for being here. Now go out and do something that makes you happy for no other (14:04) reason other than it brings you joy. I love you so much.

I mean it. I'll talk to you in the next (14:08) one. All right sister that's all I got for you today but I have two things that I need you (14:24) to do.

First thing if you are not already following me on the gram be sure to do so (14:28) Julie A. Ledbetter. Yes it's with an A in the middle for that daily post-workout real talk (14:34) healthy tips and tricks and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. (14:39) The second thing be sure to subscribe to Apple podcast to never miss an episode.

Thank you so (14:45) much for joining me. It means the absolute world and I'm going to leave you with one last thought (14:50) the most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident (14:55) and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than (15:02) the surface so go out there and embrace it real because you're worth it.

 
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