4 Ways to Talk to Yourself Like Someone You Actually Love

 

Hey, hey beautiful human! Today, I want to to talk about something that is very important to me. Why are so many of us walking around being their own harshest critic? We say things to ourselves internally that we would never, ever say to someone we love. And we do it without even thinking. It's automatic. It's the background noise of our lives.

Today I want to give you four practical, tangible ways to shift that. To start talking to yourself the way you talk to someone you actually love. 

What I discuss:

  • How to notice the voice before you believe it

  • How to replace judgment with curiosity

  • Tips to be kind during hard moments

  • Be her cheerleader, not her critic.


If you loved this episode, I think you're going to love the episode "Episode 540: Why Beating Yourself Up Isn't Helping You Reach Your Goals"

If you want more from me, be sure to check out… 

Website: www.juliealedbetter.com

Transcript

(0:00) Hey, hey beautiful human. Can I steal five minutes of your time? I have something super important to share with you (0:06) but I promise I'll be really quick. You're listening to my weekly bonus episode of Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter.

(0:13) I'm about to give you a quick tip for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally loving your authentic self. (0:19) Stay tuned if you're ready to Embrace Your Real. Let's get it.

Let's go. (0:34) Hello and welcome back to another bonus episode on the Embrace Your Real podcast. (0:38) My name is Julie Ledbetter.

I'm so grateful that you are here with me today. (0:42) Okay, I'm going to start with today's episode with a question and I want you to really sit with it for a second. (0:47) If you're a best friend, just think about picture one of your best friends right now.

(0:50) If they called you and said that they were having a really hard day, they were feeling really down on their self, (0:56) maybe they wish to work out, maybe they said something that they really regret, (0:59) maybe they just don't feel like they're enough in this season, like they just feel like they're failing in every single part of their life. (1:05) They're just feeling down, like down and out. What would you say to her? Like think about that.

(1:11) I want you to really sit with that and, you know, if it's your sister, if it's your best friend, (1:16) if it's someone that you love so dearly and they're just having a really hard day and they call you and they're just looking for some (1:22) advice, they're looking for some support, what would you say to her? I'm guessing that you'd be super kind. You'd be gentle. (1:29) You'd be patient.

You'd say something like, hey, you are doing so much better than you think, like one hard day, (1:36) doesn't erase everything. Like you are doing incredible and you would hype her up and you would say like, (1:44) girl, like shake, I'm going to shake you, right? Like you got this. I'm going to be your biggest hype girl.

(1:49) And you would, you would, in whatever way, you know, would hype her up. That's what you would do. (1:54) Now here's kind of my follow up question.

When was the last time you did or said any of those things to yourself? (1:59) For most of us, the answer is rarely or honestly never. Like, and that gap right there, (2:04) that's what we're going to be talking about in today's bonus episode, because so many of us (2:08) are walking around being our own harshest critic. We say these things to ourselves internally that we (2:15) would never be caught dead saying to someone that we love and we do it without even thinking.

It's (2:21) like automatic, right? It's the background noise of our lives. And so today I want to give you (2:26) four practical, tangible ways to really shift that to start talking to yourself the way that (2:32) you talk to someone that you actually love. Before we dive in though, I want to share this review.

(2:37) She gave a five star review and said, I love this podcast. Julie offers such a great attitude (2:42) and tips to help me level up my life. I love her positive approach to life.

And I look forward (2:47) to listening to each every week. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to send (2:52) in this review. I love hearing your guys's reviews.

They really do lift us up, how to know (2:57) maybe a specific episode or just in general, how the podcast is helping you. So thank you (3:02) in advance for doing that. You can scooch over to apple podcast or whatever podcast platform you (3:07) are listening on.

If you could leave a rating interview, that would mean the absolute world (3:10) to me and our team. All right, let's get right into it. So way number one, you have to notice (3:15) the voice before you believe it.

The first step to this is just awareness. And I know that sounds (3:20) so simple, but it's genuinely one of the hardest parts, right? Most of us don't even (3:25) realize how harsh our inner dialogue is because it happens so fast. You look in the mirror and (3:30) before you've even taken a breath, there's already a comment.

You make a mistake. And before you've (3:34) even processed what has happened, there's already a verdict. The first thing I want you to do is (3:39) slow it down.

When you notice that inner critic showing up, I want you to just pause and ask (3:44) yourself like, would I say this to someone that I love? That's it. That's the whole filter. Not (3:50) is this helpful.

Just say, would I say this to a friend? Nine times out of 10, the answer is no. (3:57) And that awareness alone really does start to loosen the grip of that voice. You stop being (4:02) swept away by what you're saying or what you're thinking to yourself, and you start being able to (4:09) look at it.

Way number two, replace judgment with curiosity. So once you've noticed the voice, (4:15) the next step is to really get curious instead of critical. So instead of, why did I do that? (4:20) I'm so stupid.

Instead, try, hmm, that's interesting. I wonder what's going on there (4:25) for me. Instead of, oh, I just look terrible.

I want you to try saying, hmm, I'm really having (4:31) a hard body image day. What do I need right now? The shift from judgment to curiosity is (4:36) powerful because curiosity doesn't shame you. It asks questions.

It treats you like someone (4:42) worth understanding. And that is how you talk to someone that you love. You don't tear them (4:46) down.

You try to understand them. Think back to what we just talked about, that conversation (4:51) with your friend on the phone. You're not going to tear them down in that moment.

You're trying (4:55) to understand why are they thinking the way that they are? Why are they thinking that (4:59) they're failing? Why are they so down on themselves? And this also means that you're (5:03) giving yourself a reason instead of a verdict. So if you skipped your workout and your verdict (5:08) sounds like, I'm lazy, I'll never be consistent. A reason sounds like, man, I was exhausted and (5:13) my body needed that rest.

One closes the door, but the other one keeps it open. Way number (5:19) three is to really create a go-to phrase for those hard moments. So this one is so practical.

(5:24) I love it because you can use it immediately. I want you to think about the harshest thing (5:27) that you tend to say to yourself, the one that just shows up on repeat. Maybe it's, (5:32) man, I'm so behind.

I'm not good enough. I always mess this up. I'm not a good mom.

(5:36) I'm not a good wife. I'm not a good business owner. I could never do this.

Now I want (5:40) you to write a response to it. Like literally as if your best friend said that to you, (5:44) what would you say back? Write that down and make that your go-to phrase. (5:50) Mine for a long time was, I am failing at everything.

Everything in my life, (5:56) I'm failing. I'm not up to par. And my go-to response became, you are not failing.

You are (6:01) in the middle of something hard and that's different. It doesn't have to be profound. (6:06) It just has to be kind and it has to be ready because in that moment when the critical voice (6:11) shows up loud and fast, you need something already waiting.

Some other examples are, (6:16) I'm proud of you for showing up or you're really doing the best that you can right now. (6:20) And that's enough or one hard day doesn't define your whole journey. I want you to pick yours, (6:26) write it somewhere that you're going to see it and practice reaching for it day in and day out.

(6:31) And last but not least, way number four, speak to your future self, not your past mistakes. Here's (6:38) the one that has changed things for me the most personally. A lot of our negative self-talk is (6:43) backward facing, right? It's focused on what we did wrong, what we should have done differently, (6:48) what we wish we could have taken back.

And while reflection does have its place, (6:52) that replay loop, that is not helping you grow. It's just keeping you stuck. So instead of talking (6:58) to yourself about your past, start talking to yourself on behalf of your future self.

(7:03) What does the version of me that I am becoming need to hear right now? She probably needs to (7:08) hear keep going. You're closer than you think. The work that you're doing matters, even when (7:12) you can't see the results yet.

She needs the encouragement, not the report card. She needs (7:16) a cheerleader, not a judge. And you right now get to be that for her.

That's what it means to (7:23) talk to yourself like someone that you love. You're not just being nice in the moment, (7:26) you're actively building up the woman that you are becoming. So to recap the four ways (7:32) to talk to yourself, like someone that you actually love.

One, I want you to notice the (7:36) voice before you believe it. Run it through the filter. Would you say this to someone that you (7:41) love? Two, I want you to replace judgment with curiosity.

Ask questions instead of delivering (7:46) verdicts. Three, I want you to create a go-to phrase for those hard moments. Have something kind (7:52) already waiting.

And number four, speak to your future self, not your past mistakes. Be her (7:58) cheerleader, not her critic. This is a practice.

It's not going to happen overnight. But every (8:03) time that you catch that inner critic and choose something kinder instead, you are rewriting that (8:08) story that you tell about yourself and that story that matters so much. If you want to go (8:14) deeper on this topic, I think you're going to love episode why beating yourself up isn't (8:19) helping you reach your goals.

I will link that in the show notes. It really does take an honest (8:23) look at self-criticism versus self-compassion, and it gives you more tools to work with. And if (8:29) you're already showing up for yourself, but you want to show up in a way that just feels good.

You (8:34) want to move your body. You want to strengthen your body. I do have an app.

It's my Dumble Only (8:39) Workouts. All you need is a few pair of dumbbells and a small space. Literally, (8:42) that's all you need to start with.

And you get five brand new workouts every single week, (8:47) lower body, upper body, cardio and core, shoulders and glutes, full body. Every single workout has (8:52) two time options, a 60 minute or 30 minute, depending on your time constraints. So time (8:57) is not going to be an excuse here.

You literally just open up the app. There's video demonstrations (9:02) for every single movement, alternate exercises. If you need an easier one, if you need a body (9:06) weight exercise, all of those are included there for you.

Literally, just open up the app and (9:11) you follow the workouts. I'm telling you, you will feel so much stronger. And when you feel (9:15) stronger physically, I truly believe that you will be able to show up stronger emotionally as well.

(9:21) You can learn all the details by going to sale. That's S-A-L-E.movementually.com. (9:27) All right, that is all that I have for today's bonus episode. I hope this pep talk just gave (9:30) you a little pep in your step, a little some tools in your toolbox for you on those hard days.

(9:37) I love you so dang much. I mean it. And I'll talk to you in the next one.

(9:47) All right, sister, that's all I got for you today. But I have two things that I need you to do. (9:54) First thing, if you are not already following me on the gram, be sure to do so.

Julie A. (9:59) Ledbetter. Yes, it's with an A in the middle for that daily post-workout real talk, healthy (10:04) tips and tricks, and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. (10:08) The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode.

(10:14) Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world. And I'm going to leave you with (10:19) one last thought.

The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are (10:24) completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that (10:30) beauty goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and embrace your realm because (10:36) you're worth it.

 
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