Why You Don’t Have to Love Every Inch of Your Body to Treat it Well

 

Today we’re diving into a topic I’ve been wanting to talk about for a while, because it’s one of those sneaky things that can actually do more harm than good on your journey to self-love and body confidence. And that is toxic positivity.

 

The truth is you don’t have to love every inch of your body to treat it with respect. 

You don’t have to be perfectly positive to show up for yourself. And if you’ve ever felt like you’re failing at “body love” because you still have tough days, I want this episode to set you free.

 

By the end of our conversation, you’ll know:

 

  • What toxic positivity in the body-love space actually looks like and why it’s a problem.

  • Why you don’t need to love every inch of your body to take care of it.

  • The difference between toxic positivity and healthy positivity.

  • Practical ways to show yourself respect and love, even on the days you don’t feel it.

  • And tools that can help you create a healthier, more grounded relationship with your body and your goals.



If this episode resonated with you, I know you’ll also love my episode 452: Struggling to Love Your Body? 3 Underrated Reminders…

If you want more from me, be sure to check out… 

Website: www.juliealedbetter.com

Transcript

00:00

Hey there, beautiful human, you're listening to Embrace your Real with me, julie Ledbetter, a podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I dish you a dose of real talk and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned. If you're ready to embrace your real, let's get it. Let's go. Hello and welcome back to another episode on the Embrace your Podcast. You are here with me. My name is Julie Lippeter and I'm so grateful that you are here.

00:36

Today. We're going to be diving into a topic that I've been wanting to talk about for a while, because it's one of those sneaky things that can actually do more harm than good on your journey towards self-respect and body confidence, and that is this toxic positivity. Now you might be thinking, julie, isn't positivity a good thing? Like don't we wanna be thinking positively about our bodies? And the answer is absolutely yes, positivity can totally be helpful. But when positivity turns into pressure, like the pressure to always feel happy or to always feel confident or to always love every inch of your body 24 seven, that is not healthy, that is toxic. And, sister, I have been there. I know what it feels like to scroll social media and see these messages like just love yourself exactly how you are and think to yourself but I don't, so what the heck is wrong with me? And that shame spiral, that disconnect, that's what we're going to be unpacking in today's episode. The truth is that you don't have to love every inch of your body to be able to treat it with respect. You don't have to be perfectly positive to show up for yourself, and if you've ever felt like you're failing at this body love because you still have tough days, I want this episode to hopefully encourage you and maybe even set you free. By the end of this conversation, you're going to know what toxic positivity in the body love space actually looks like and why it's a problem, why you don't need to love every inch of your body to take care of it. The difference between toxic positivity and healthy positivity, practical ways to show yourself self-respect, love even on the days that you don't feel like it and, last but not least, the tools that can help you to create a healthier, more grounded relationship with your body and your goals.

02:12

But before we dive in, I want to share this review. It comes from JessDear76. She gave a five-star review and said inspiring, informational and uplifting. This has quickly become my favorite podcast. So inspiring, informational and uplifting Such great information that is relatable to everyone. Listening to Julie has totally changed my mindset, which, in turn, has changed so many things in my life for the better. Thank you, julie, for sharing your wisdom with us and for caring for us all. I love this so much. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to send in this review. I'm grateful that this podcast is inspiring you, but it's also informational and it's uplifting, like that is always the goal. So I just appreciate every single one of you guys leaving a rating interview. They really do help so much. Just get the message out to more women. And so, if you could scooch over to Apple Podcasts, it's on any Apple device, so, whether you have an iPad, you have an iPhone, you can click on the podcast app type in Embrace your Real. First, make sure you're subscribed so that you never miss an episode, and then, lastly, you can scroll all the way down and leave a rating interview. That means more than you know, so thank you in advance for doing that.

03:15

Okay, so I want to start off this episode by talking about toxic positivity, because it's one of the main reasons why so many women feel stuck when it comes to body confidence, like the truth, is the message that you have to love. Every inch of your body has been pushed so hard in the self-love space that it can actually feel like another rule that you're failing to live up to. And if you've ever looked in the mirror and thought I don't love this part of me, so maybe I'm not doing this whole body love thing right, then you've already felt the weight of this toxic positivity. And this matters because body confidence was never meant to be about perfection or loving yourself 24 seven. It's about self-respect. It's about showing up for your body, even on the days that you don't feel great about it. But when positivity gets twisted into pressure, when it becomes about faking constant confidence, that's when it turns toxic. Instead of giving you freedom, it creates shame and, instead of building you up, it tears you down. And so that's why I want to pull this apart with you today, because once you really start to understand what toxic positivity really is and how it shows up in your life, I believe you can start to replace it with something healthy or something more grounded and something that actually moves you towards confidence instead of further away from it.

04:28

So what exactly is toxic positivity? At its core, toxic positivity is the idea that you must always be positive, no matter what it is Like. It's the pressure to only focus on the good vibes and shove down or ignore any messy or complicated or uncomfortable feelings. And now in the body love world, it sounds like you should love every inch of your body, no matter what. If you don't feel confident, you're doing it wrong. Just be grateful for your body and stop complaining. And if you've ever scrolled Instagram like the last few years, you've probably seen this messaging everywhere. And, to be fair, like it came from a good place.

05:06

The body positivity movement started as a way to challenge unrealistic beauty standards, and I think that that is amazing. Women of all shape and sizes and backgrounds finally had a voice saying like hey, we deserve to be seen and celebrated. But I believe that it got twisted somewhere along the way, that this empowering message turned into another kind of pressure and instead of thinking it's okay to love your body at any size it became, you must love your body at every moment, and if you don't, you're failing at self-love. Do you see the difference? Like one is freeing and the other one can feel very suffocating, like nobody feels 100% positive all of the time Not me, not your favorite influencer, not your favorite actress, not even the super fit girl at the gym who seems like they have it all together, like we are all human, we all have our days, we are all bloated, we all have those days where we're just insecure, we're off, and that is normal.

06:00

The problem, though, with toxic positivity is that it leaves no room for those human emotions. It makes you feel guilty for even having them, and when you wake up in the morning and you don't feel like shouting from the rooftops like I love my body, suddenly you think what is wrong with me? Why can't I get this right? And that's why I call it toxic, because positivity that denies reality isn't really positivity at all. It's just pressure, and this pressure leads to guilt and shame and disconnection, and, instead of helping you care for your body, it actually makes you give up on yourself altogether. So the truth that I need you to hear is that you don't have to love every inch of your body to show up and take care of it. Let me repeat that again you don't have to love every inch of your body to show up and take care of it. Let me repeat that again you don't have to love every inch of your body to show up and take care of it.

06:49

I know some of you are standing in front of the mirror right now just feeling frustrated, like maybe you've gained weight, your jeans don't fit the way that they used to, maybe you're pushing yourself in the gym or in your workouts, but the muscle definition just isn't showing up yet. Or maybe the scale hasn't budged in months and you're just tempted to throw in the towel First. I wanna normalize this. Nothing is wrong with you for feeling this way, wanting to look in the mirror and like what you see is human. But here's where toxic positivity goes sideways. It tells you that if you don't love your reflection every single day, you're failing at self-love. And, sister, that's not true. Like.

07:27

Psychologists have actually studied this and they found that trying to force constant positivity oftentimes backfires. It creates more shame when you inevitably don't feel positive, and that's why many experts recommend shifting from body love to body respect. Like respect, doesn't depend on emotions. Respect is a choice. I want you to think about it. You brush your teeth every night, not because you're in love with your teeth, but because you respect your health and you know the long-term outcome matters. Same with your body. Like, some mornings you're going to look in the mirror and say, dang, I feel great today, but other mornings you're going to be like not my favorite, not my favorite day. Don't feel great. Both are normal, both are human.

08:13

And here's the key Even on the like, don't feel great, you still show up, you still eat your protein, you still move your body, you still get that workout in, you still do the things. Why? Because that long-term consistency, not the daily perfection, is what actually changes your reflection. And this is where the concept of body neutrality comes in. So, instead of saying and obsessing over like loving everything that you see, body neutrality says like I don't have to love it all, but I can still care for it.

08:44

And I believe that that mental shift is powerful. Like it takes the pressure off, it makes the space for your feelings without letting them dictate your actions. And here's another important thing when you constantly act from respect, you're fueling, you're lifting, you're recovering your body does change. You start to see new muscle lines in the mirror, your clothes fit differently, you feel stronger climbing the stairs, you have more energy to keep up with your kids. And that's when genuine confidence starts to grow, not from fake positivity, but from proof, from the evidence you build by stacking small wins day after day. So if you're not thrilled with what you see right now, that doesn't mean that you stop caring. It means that you start showing up, knowing that today's effort is building tomorrow's reflection. You don't need to force constant love. You need to consistently respect, and over time that respect will create results that you actually see and feel.

09:39

So here's something we really need to break down what is the difference between toxic positivity and healthy positivity? I talked about that at the beginning of the episodes and you might be like okay, well, what is exactly the difference? Well, toxic positivity denies your hard feelings. It says things like just love your body or stop being negative, just be grateful that you have a functioning body, and on the surface that sounds great, that sounds fine, right, but at a hidden cost. When you constantly shove down your real emotions, your body doesn't just let them go, it actually holds onto them.

10:11

Here's actually what happens physiologically when you feel insecure, frustrated or sad, but then immediately shame yourself for feeling that way, your stress response kicks in. Your brain tells your body something is wrong, we are not safe, and your body responds by releasing a stress hormone called cortisol. Now, cortisol isn't always bad. It's your body's way of helping you handle stress. But when elevated over and over again, your appetite spikes, especially for carbs and sugar. Because cortisol loves to stock your fuel tank, your body starts storing fat, especially around your belly, even if you're eating the same as always. Your sleep quality takes a hit, because cortisol and poor sleep feed into each other. And, last but not least, your metabolism shifts into this hold on to energy mode, making it harder to lose fat or build muscle.

10:56

So you see, toxic positivity isn't just a mindset issue, it's a physiological one. Like it keeps your body in this low level stress state that makes it harder to reach your goals. On the flip side, healthy positivity acknowledges your hard feelings and still chooses action. Instead of saying I hate how I look, but I should love myself, and spiraling into guilt, you can say I don't love how I look today, but I can still nourish my body and get my workout. And that simple reframe calms your nervous system and it signals safety instead of a threat. And when your nervous system feels safe, cortisol levels normalize, your body digests food better and you recover faster and your hormones stay balanced. This isn't just this feel-good fluff. It's literally the difference between living in this fight or flight mode versus rest and digest mode, and one keeps you stuck and exhausted and the other one helps your metabolism, your energy and your results. So this is what healthy positivity really means. It means that you are acknowledging the real emotion. It means that you are allowing it to exist without the shame. It means that you're choosing one action that aligns with respect and goals and, lastly, that's what creates both psychological relief as well as physiological balance.

12:17

Okay, so how do we actually break free from this pressure? Let's kind of get practical here. These are some shifts rooted in real psychology, behavior, science and lived experience. So shift number one is to reframe your self-talk with proven language swaps. So the words that you can use with yourself and the words that you regularly use with yourself not in a manifested way, but in a neurological way they matter. And research on cognitive reappraisal, which is just a fancy term for reframing your thoughts, shows that how you frame your situation changes your actual emotional response to it. So instead of saying I must love every inch of my body, which creates pressure and shame when you don't try saying I can respect my body even on the days that I don't love it or I don't have to feel confident to act with consistency, or this body is worthy of care even when I feel insecure.

13:12

The action step is to really write down two to three of these reframes on a sticky note, put them in your bathroom mirror, one on your fridge, one in your workout space, and this psychological tool is called visual cueing. It really interrupts the old narrative in the exact place that the negative thoughts start to pop up on a regular basis. So again, just thinking about those places maybe it's in your car, but typically the bathroom mirror, the fridge, your workout space, your car, all of those things, those might be the places that those negative thoughts tend to pop up and that's where you really want to use that visual cueing. Shift number two is to focus on what your body can do, not just how it looks, and this is called functional body image, and studies show that it's one of the strongest predictors of long-term body satisfaction. So when you shift from how do I look to what can I do, you actually widen your identity beyond your reflection.

14:09

So some examples to celebrate is you deadlifted more weight this week than last week, or it felt better at even the same weight, like maybe the last few reps you're like they were hard but they weren't like nearly impossible like last week. Or maybe the last few reps you're like they were hard but they weren't like nearly impossible like last week. Or maybe you walked upstairs without getting winded. Or maybe you chased your kids at the park and you realized you still had the energy afterwards. Or you carried all the groceries in one trip. All of those things are things that you can celebrate, and an action step that goes along with that is to start a body wins journal, and this can even be like something like a physical journal or even like a note section on your app in the notes app on your phone. But at the end of the day, write down one thing that your body did for you, like doesn't matter if it's big, like hit a PR in your workout or at the gym, or small, like you walk the dog when you didn't feel like it. Over time, this literally rewires your brain to notice the capability over appearance.

15:06

Shift number three is to set boundaries with your input. So what you see every day shapes what you believe, and this is called social comparison theory. So if your Instagram is full of filtered perfect bodies and toxic positivity captions, you're going to constantly feel like you're failing. So an action step in this is to do a 30 minute social media audit, like scroll your feed and notice how each account makes you feel. If it triggers guilt or shame or the thought of man I should just love myself more. Unfollow or mute that's not being sensitive. That's a boundary tool. You're curating an environment that supports your goals instead of sabotaging them. Replace those with accounts that show diverse bodies or talk about self-respect or strength, and normalize real life.

15:57

I want you to think like trainers who teach progressive overload, diitians who teach freedom and food freedom, and moms who share the messy but consistent journeys, like all of those things and just think like, what do I need to see on a regular basis? For me, it's like I need to see more faith in my feet, and so I'm really trying to go onto pages that just like encourage me, whether it's like a hey, take 30 seconds and pray this right now, or here's a prayer for your husband, or here's a prayer for your day, or whatever it is, and so I've been really trying to just interact with those, because that's how your algorithm is built Like the more time you spend on a certain type of post Instagram or TikTok or whatever the social media platform that you're on that's going to see that and be like oh, I want to feed it more because it's taking time to like on those pages, and so you really want to curate it in a way that honors your mind. Shift number four is anchor into non body wins. If the only measure of progress that you track is the mirror or the scale, you're setting yourself up for frustration, and those things change slowly and they don't always reflect the progress that's really happening underneath the surface. Psychology shows us that progress itself is one of the biggest motivators for staying consistent. So instead of obsessing over appearance, I want you to start measuring the other wins that show your body is changing from the inside out.

17:21

So a few simple ways to do that is to have a consistency tracker. So grab a wall calendar and mark an X every day that you hit your non-negotiable 30. That visual proof is motivating and really does remind you that one day off doesn't erase your hard work. You could have an energy log, so each morning. Rate your energy on a scale from one to 10. Over time, you'll see how fueling your body better actually changes your baseline and makes your daily life feel easier. You can also have a strength log, so track the weights, the reps, the sets in your workouts.

17:55

Just remember numbers, don't lie. Watching yourself go from 10 pound dumbbells to 15 pound dumbbells or even 20 pound dumbbells, that's undeniable proof of progress, and this is where having the right tools makes it so much easier. So, if you're not familiar, I have a Movement With Julie app. It's my dumbbell only workouts for women, and every single workout is already programmed, with progression built in as well as the ability to track and log. So you don't have to guess what to do. You can just show up, you follow along with the workout and you can watch your strength increase week by week. When you anchor into these non-body wins like consistency, streaks, energy boosts, strength increases, the pressure to love your reflection starts to fade. You stop chasing just a number on the scale and instead you start stacking wins that you can actually feel, and those wins, they build trust, and that trust builds the kind of confidence that actually sticks, like this actually shifts your brain from. I don't look different yet to wow. I am changing, and that proof keeps you going.

19:02

Shift number five is to separate feelings from action. So one of the most freeing things that you can learn is that your feelings about your body don't have to control your behavior. Let me say that again One of the most freeing things that you can learn is that your feelings about your body does not have to control your behavior. You can feel insecure when you look in the mirror and still choose to nourish your body with a balanced meal. You can feel bloated and still go out for a walk or lift weights. Feelings are temporary. They come and they go, but actions build your reality. So when you start acting from a place of self-respect instead of waiting until you feel love, or you stop letting emotions run the show, something that I oftentimes just play back in my mind is my feelings don't run the show, my respect does. And when you say that out loud, you can really break the cycle of I don't feel good, so why bother?

20:00

Shift number six create a bare minimum respect list. So on the days that you feel discouraged, overwhelmed or flat out just not in the mood, it does help to have a short list of non-negotiable, like the things that you commit to, no matter how you feel. I want you to think of it like brushing your teeth. Like I mentioned earlier, you don't need to be in love with your teeth to take care of them, you just need to do it because it matters long-term For your body. That list might look like you're drinking water before your coffee. You're aiming for at least seven hours of sleep. You're moving your body for 20 minutes. These simple actions are your baseline of respect. They take the pressure off of being perfect and instead they give you a clear path to follow even when the motivation is low. Respect becomes routine, not something you have to psych yourself up for.

20:45

Shift number seven is to practice micro gratitude. So telling yourself I love my thighs when you don't believe that, that's not helpful, but shifting into micro gratitude is powerful. Micro gratitude means appreciating what your body does for you instead of how it looks. So, for example, like dang, these legs carried me through the grocery store today, or up that big hill you know pushing the stroller with my dog. Or these arms let me hug my kids. Or my stomach digested the food that I needed the energy for to keep up with everything in my life. These little acknowledgements reframe your body as an ally, not an enemy, and over time your brain starts to recognize its value in daily life and that builds a quiet, consistent form of respect that doesn't depend on loving every inch.

21:37

Shift number eight is to make body respect visual. So sometimes it's not your willpower that needs to change, it's actually your environment. So setting up small visual reminders that nudge you towards that self-respect. That might look like leaving a sticky note on your fridge that says fuel, don't punish. Or using a water bottle with time markers so hydration feels easy and automatic, or even setting alarms on your phone to remind you to hydrate, or laying out your workout outfit the night before so that when you wake up the decision is already made. These cues work because they interrupt negative self-talk in real time and replace it with a physical reminder of what respect looks like. When your environment supports your goals, respect becomes the path of least resistance.

22:21

And last but not least, shift number nine let love be optional. Respect be required. Here's the bottom line that I want you to hold on to, like some days you'll feel love for your body, and that's beautiful, but some days you won't, and that's normal. Love is optional, but respect is required, like respect should be the foundation that does not waver. Respect is drinking water. It's eating your protein, it's moving your body, it's resting, it's managing stress. And here's the cool part when you practice consistent respect, genuine love oftentimes grows naturally as a byproduct, but even if it doesn't, you're still building strength, health and confidence, and that's what truly matters. All right, let's wrap this up.

23:03

Now that you kind of understand why body positivity can sometimes turn toxic and why the real freedom comes from shifting into respect, let's do a quick recap of what we covered today. So we talked about toxic positivity is sneaky, like it tells you that if you don't love every inch of your body 24 seven, you're failing, and that is just not true. Respect doesn't depend on feelings. You can act with respect whether or not you feel confident in the mirror that day, looking at your reflection. Healthy positivity is different. It makes space for hard feelings, but still chooses aligned actions. And then we walked through nine shifts that you can start practicing today.

23:43

So reframing your self-talk with new language, focusing on what your body can do, not just how it looks, setting boundaries with the inputs that you consume on social media. Anchoring into non-body wins like consistency, energy and strength. Separating feelings from action, so emotions don't always run the show. Creating a bare minimum respect list for those low motivation days. Practicing a micro gratitude for what your body does. Making body respect visuals that you can put throughout your environment, that you'll see on a regular basis throughout your day.

24:18

And, last but not least, let love be optional, but respect be required.

24:22

If you only take one thing away from today's episode, let it be this you don't have to love every inch of your body to treat it well. Love is an emotion. It will come and go, but respect is a choice and it's one that you can make every single day. So the next time that you wake up and think I don't love what I see today, I want you to remember that's okay. You're human. You don't need perfect love to deserve care, and what matters is that you keep showing up with respect, with grace and consistency. And if this episode resonated with you, I know you'll also love episode 452, struggling to Love your Body. Three underrated reminders.

25:07

I will go ahead and link that in the show notes below, and if you found this episode helpful, I just ask that you share it out with a friend who might need to hear it, and if you haven't left a review yet, it would mean the world if you took 60 seconds to do that today. But, sister, I just want you to know that you are beautiful and you are capable. Even on the days that you don't feel like loving yourself, you can still respect it, and let that respect come from a deep, just yearning in your heart. If you are a believer, then just say Lord, thank you for this body. I will choose to respect it, even if I don't know how to love it. But just know that God knows how to love your body perfectly and that's his job. Like he gets the job to love your body, and you get the job to respect your body and to take care of your body to the best of your ability when you are on this earth. All right, I love you so dang much. I mean it and I'll talk to you in the next one.

26:07

All right, sister, that's all I got for you today, but I have two things that I need you to do. First thing if you are not already following me on the gram, be sure to do so. Julie A Ledbetter yes, it's with an A in the middle for that daily post-workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world, and I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface, so go out there and embrace your real, because you're worth it.

 
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