Why You Need People: Community as Medicine

 

Hey hey beautiful human!

Have you ever noticed how much harder it is to show up for yourself when you feel like you are doing it alone?

You can have the workout plan. You can know what to eat. You can have the best intentions. But when life gets heavy, motivation drops, shame creeps in, or you fall out of rhythm, doing everything by yourself can make the whole thing feel ten times harder.

And that is what we are talking about today: community.

Not the surface-level kind where you scroll through other people’s posts and feel like you are “connected.” I mean real community. The kind where you are seen, supported, encouraged, reminded that you are not the only one struggling, and welcomed back when you have had a hard week.

What’s Discussed:

  • Why consistency feels so much harder when you are doing everything by yourself

  • How a fitness community can help you feel seen, encouraged, and supported through real life

  • Why the women who stay consistent long-term usually have people around them

  • How community can calm your stress response and make showing up feel more sustainable

  • Why scrolling fitness content is not the same as actually being connected

  • How the Movement With Julie community has helped women keep going when they wanted to quit

  • Where to start looking for your people, even if finding community feels awkward at first

If you have been trying to build consistency by doing everything alone, this episode is your reminder that you may not need more pressure. You may need more people. The right community can help you feel less alone, less ashamed, and more willing to keep showing up through real life.

If you loved this episode, you’ll also love Episode 633: How To Fall Back In Love With Your Everyday Life. It pairs perfectly with this conversation because real connection is one of the things that helps your everyday life feel fuller, more supported, and easier to be present for.

If you want more from me, be sure to check out…

Transcript

(0:00) Hey there, beautiful human. You're listening to Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter, (0:05) a podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I give you a dose of real (0:11) talk and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally (0:16) loving your authentic self.

Stay tuned if you're ready to Embrace Your Real. Let's get it. Let's go.

(0:30) Hello, and welcome back to another episode on the Embrace Your Real podcast. Today's episode (0:34) is about something I think so many of us are craving but do not always know how to find, (0:38) and that's community. Because let's be honest, finding true community in real life can be really (0:43) hard.

We're busy. We're in different seasons of life. We're juggling work, family, relationships, (0:48) routines, responsibilities, and all the little things that somehow take up every inch of our (0:52) life.

And even though we may be surrounded by people, that doesn't always mean that we feel (0:56) deeply supported, seen, or connected. If you've ever thought, I know I need more community, (1:01) but I don't even know where to start. I want to offer you one really beautiful place to begin, (1:06) and that is a fitness community.

Because a fitness community is not only about having people to work (1:11) out with. It can become a place where you are reminded that you're not doing the hard parts (1:15) of life alone. It can be a space where other women understand what it feels like to start (1:19) again, rebuild confidence, stay consistent, fall off, come back, and just keep showing up through (1:24) every season.

And that's what I want to talk about today, because when you find the right (1:28) people to move alongside, something really does shift. You stop feeling like your health (1:32) journey has to be this private thing that you have to figure out by yourself. And you really (1:36) start to feel supported and encouraged and connected in a way that can genuinely change (1:41) how you show up for yourself.

And so today's episode, you're going to be leaving with just a (1:47) new understanding of why doing this alone can make consistency feel so much harder. A clear (1:52) picture of what genuine community actually does inside your body, the difference between scrolling (1:57) and truly connecting and what to look for in a fitness community that genuinely supports you (2:03) and why finding your people is part of the work, not something extra that you get to do later. (2:09) By the end of this episode, my hope is that you can walk away feeling lighter, more supported, (2:13) and maybe even a little bit more open to letting a fitness community be the place (2:16) where real connection begins.

Before we dive in, though, I want to share this review. (2:20) She gave a five star review and said, just what we need. I absolutely love Julie's podcast.

(2:24) This is exactly what girls and women need right now. When I'm having a difficult body image day, (2:30) I turn on one of her podcasts and it's like she's speaking directly to me, calling out my thoughts (2:34) and helping me counter them. She does an incredible job showing us how important mindset and provides (2:39) practical tips to help you get to where you want to be in a healthy way.

Thank you, Julie, (2:44) you are spreading so much light and love. Thank you so much. I really appreciate your (2:48) review and I'm so grateful that this podcast is helping you to call out those thoughts and (2:53) really helping you to counter them because I think that that's important.

(2:56) This goes hand in hand with what we're talking about today, just finding a community that can (3:00) do that so that you feel a little bit less alone. You also feel equipped to handle what life throws (3:05) at you because it's not if, but when. I really do appreciate you taking time out of your day (3:10) to send in this review.

Let's just get right into it. Today, I'm going to be breaking (3:13) this conversation down into five specific ways community can change your fitness journey (3:18) because I don't want this to feel like a vague reminder to just go find your people. (3:22) So let's kind of start with the first reason why community matters so much.

(3:26) Number one, we're not built to do hard things alone. Somewhere along the way, (3:29) the wellness world decided that consistency is kind of a character trait. Like if you show up, (3:34) you have discipline, if you fall off, you don't.

And that framing really does put the (3:38) entire weight of every outcome squarely on you and you alone, like your plan, your willpower, (3:43) your follow through and your fault when it doesn't work. But humans were never actually (3:46) wired to do hard things in isolation. Like think about it, long before fitness apps, (3:50) meal plans existed, we did hard things together.

We farmed together, we raised babies together, (3:55) we built things together. Doing difficult, repetitive, demanding work was always a community (4:00) effort. And then somewhere along the way, for some reason, we decided that health was different (4:05) and that it's a private thing you have to figure out on your own.

And that asking for proper (4:09) support meant that you weren't serious enough to do it yourself. But that little story has (4:14) cost a lot of women a lot of years of just starting over because here's the actual truth (4:18) that I want you to hear. If you're the woman who has tried every program, you struggled with (4:23) consistency and assumed every time that you fell off, it was a personal failure, please listen to (4:28) me.

The problem was not your character or that you didn't want it enough. Part of the problem (4:33) is that you are likely doing too much of it by yourself. And there's a real ceiling on what you (4:38) can build when you're working with just within just a vacuum.

Like struggling alone does not (4:44) mean that you're weak, it means that you're human. And we were never designed to do this (4:48) without your people. Number two, the women who stay consistent long term are not doing it alone.

(4:54) Kind of a fun fact for you, but social connection is one of the strongest predictors of whether (4:58) someone actually maintains healthy behaviors over time. Stronger than willpower, so like (5:03) stronger than motivation, stronger than having the best program money can buy. Yes, it's so, (5:08) so powerful.

Like the women who stay consistent over years are almost never doing it completely (5:13) alone. They have someone to check in with. They have a group that they feel a part of, (5:17) a community where showing up matters beyond just themselves.

The pattern shows up over and over (5:22) again. And I see this all of the time inside my Milt with Julie private Facebook group. Women (5:27) will post about their progress.

Yes. But they also post about the simple real life wins that (5:32) matter so much like they'll share a picture after the workout and say, I didn't have a ton of (5:35) time today, but I squeezed it in. And then suddenly the comments are full of other women (5:39) cheering her on, celebrating her reminder that it reminding her that that counts and telling (5:44) her how proud they are of her for showing up.

And that kind of encouragement really does matter (5:48) because now that that woman, because now that woman has proof that her effort was seen, (5:54) like she didn't just check off a workout in silence. She showed up, she shared it and (5:58) reminded that it was and was reminded that it was mattered. And because it does not only impact (6:04) the women that she posted, it also impacts every other woman scrolling through that group (6:08) who sees your post and says, okay, maybe I can squeeze it in too.

Or maybe I don't need (6:12) the perfect window of time to show up. Maybe 10 minutes still counts. And that's the ripple (6:17) effect of community.

Like one woman showing up, giving another woman permission to show up. (6:22) One honest post turns into encouragement. Encouragement turns into momentum and momentum (6:26) turns into consistency.

And that ultimately is what leads to massive results. And yet (6:31) every conversation around consistency is about habits, routines, and mindset. The people you (6:37) do life with barely get a mention.

And honestly, they should be at the top of the list. So if you've (6:42) been like consistent in short bursts, but can never quite make it to stick long term, (6:48) you might have been trying to do this on your own. And that's worth paying attention to.

The (6:51) answer might not be a better plan. It might just be better people around the plan. (6:56) Number three, being around your people isn't just good for emotional support, (7:00) but it really does change you on a physical level.

When you are around people that you (7:04) trust, like people who share your values and your goals, something genuinely shifts inside (7:09) your nervous system. And that's because your body registers safety. And when your body feels safe, (7:13) your cortisol comes down, your stress response quiets, and you stop operating in that low grade (7:18) survival mode that makes every decision feel harder than it needs to be in every setback (7:23) feel bigger than it actually is.

And there's even a name for that when it happens to your (7:27) nervous system. And when that syncs up with the nervous systems of other peoples that you (7:31) feel connected to, it's actually called co-regulation. And it's a real physical (7:36) process.

Like your body literally calms down in the presence of people who feel like your people. (7:41) Isn't that beautiful? I mean, think about AA, like people who struggle with addiction when (7:44) they're around other people who are struggling with that. It's this co-regulation that is (7:49) happening there.

And there's this whole other side of things when it comes to shame, right? (7:54) Shame is one of the biggest reasons why women disappear when they fall off track. (7:57) They go quiet, they stop showing up, they tell themselves they'll come back when they (8:00) have something good to report. And I will be the first to tell you, like, I struggle with this.

(8:05) I really, really do. But when you're a part of a community where you're genuinely known (8:10) and accepted, shame loses so much of its grip, because you already know the response. (8:14) It's not going to be judgment.

And it's going to be like, I get it. Me too. (8:19) Get back in here, right? And that changes behavior in a real way.

Like women in a (8:23) genuine community are more likely to return after a hard week, more likely to be honest (8:28) about what isn't working, more likely to stay in it long term. And it doesn't stop there. (8:33) Your body actually releases a hormone when you feel bonded to people.

And it's called oxytocin, (8:38) right? Oxytocin is going to support your mood. It's going to reduce your anxiety and makes (8:43) the hard work feel a little bit more sustainable. And all of that happens when you're around the (8:47) right people.

You know that warm, just like settled feeling that you get after a really (8:52) good catch up with one of your favorite people or after a hug that lasts a few seconds longer (8:56) than usual. That's that oxytocin and it's doing its thing. It's not just a nice feeling, (9:01) but it's like real work happening inside of your body.

And the cool part is oxytocin (9:06) actually works against cortisol, right? So while stress and isolation are pulling your (9:11) body in one direction, the right people are quietly pulling it back in the other way. (9:15) I want you to think about the last time that you did something hard along someone else. Maybe (9:20) it was a workout with a friend or a conversation with someone who really just gets what you're (9:23) going through.

A moment where someone showed up for you without you having to explain a thing. (9:29) You probably felt something loosen in your chest, right? That's all of this happening at once. (9:33) Your nervous system calming, your stress response quieting, oxytocin moving through your body.

(9:38) That feeling is your body telling you that it has what it needs. Number four, (9:42) scrolling is not the same as connecting. I want to be really clear about what genuine community (9:47) actually looks like because there's a huge difference between consuming community and being (9:51) in one.

And look, I'm not going to tell you to stop following fitness accounts or unfollow (9:55) everyone who inspires you. Inspiration is real. It does have real value.

If someone's content (10:00) motivates you to show up, that's amazing, but inspiration alone is not going to keep you (10:04) consistent. And for so many of us, the hours that we spend scrolling are quietly replacing (10:09) the hours that we could be spending building something real. Like here's what I mean, (10:13) following along, liking posts, watching someone else's progress from the outside.

(10:17) That's consumption and consumption is one directional. You're always on the outside (10:21) looking in. You see the wins, the transformations, the confident posts.

You rarely see the hard (10:27) weeks, the miss workouts, the days someone almost quits. So when your brain starts comparing (10:33) where you are to what you're seeing, it's really not a fair comparison, like not even close. (10:39) Genuine community, on the other hand, goes both ways.

You see other women and they see (10:43) you right back. It's being able to say, like, dang, this week has been really hard (10:47) and I didn't do a freaking single workout. And having someone to say, same, like give (10:52) yourself grace, you've got this.

Let's do it next week. It's having people who notice (10:56) when you go quiet and having somewhere to land when things fall apart that doesn't (11:01) require you to show up performing or pretending. And that's what actually changes your consistency, (11:06) like being known by people who are in it with you.

Number five, personally, (11:10) the Movement with Julie community changed everything for me. Like when I built the Movement (11:14) with Julie app back in 2020, the workout programming was always going to be the foundation, (11:20) progressive structure, dumbbell based workouts that actually produce real results. (11:24) That part I was clear on from the very beginning.

But what I didn't anticipate was how much the (11:29) women who showed up for it would change the entire experience of building it. Over the years, (11:34) I've heard from thousands of you guys who have told me that the thing that has kept you in (11:38) the app was not just the workouts. It was knowing that other women were doing the same workouts (11:43) alongside you week in and week out.

It was the check-ins, the messages, the woman who said she (11:47) almost quit in month two and then got a message from someone else in the community who felt the (11:51) exact same way. And that was the thing that kept her going. That's not a feature I program.

(11:56) That's just what happens when you put a group of women in the same space, (12:00) moving towards the same goal and giving them room to actually show up for each other. And (12:07) knowing that you're inside of the app every single day, showing up even when it's hard, (12:11) even when life is full, when motivation is low, that means so much to me. And it reminds me why (12:16) I built this in the first place.

If you want to be a part of the amazing community of women, (12:20) you got to check out my movement with Julie app. I will link it in the show notes, (12:24) but I'm telling you this group hands down is the best group corner on the internet. (12:29) I'm not just being biased.

I genuinely believe it. Number six, finding your community can (12:33) involve some creativity and it doesn't always have to look like community in the traditional (12:38) sense. Now I know it's easy for me to go say like find your people, but in real life, (12:43) it can feel a little bit overwhelming because you don't even know where to start.

And I want (12:47) to say this clearly finding community doesn't always mean that you have to walk into a room (12:52) full of strangers and immediately become best friends with everyone. It doesn't have to be (12:56) some perfectly organized group where everyone already knows each other and you feel like the (13:00) new girl trying to figure out where to sit. Sometimes, sometimes community starts smaller (13:05) than that.

Like sometimes it starts with joining a virtual space, like the movement with Julie (13:09) community where other women are doing the same workouts alongside asking similar questions, (13:14) sharing their progress, sharing each other on and reminding that they're not doing this alone. (13:18) Sometimes it starts with one local meetup. Sometimes it starts with a Facebook group.

(13:22) Sometimes it starts with a running club or a hiking club or a church group or a mom group (13:28) or a co-working space event or a Pilates class or a message board at your favorite coffee shop. Like (13:33) you may have to be a little bit creative. You might have to try a few things.

You might have (13:38) to put yourself in spaces where connection has the chance to happen. So if you're sitting here (13:42) thinking, okay, Julie, I want more community, but I genuinely have no idea where to find it. (13:48) A few places to start.

First, look for virtual communities that are already built around (13:53) something that you care about. And this again is one of the reasons I love the movement with (13:57) Julie community so much. You're not just joining a random group of people.

You're really stepping (14:01) into a space where women are already moving towards similar goals. They are strength training, (14:07) they're learning how to show up from themselves, building confidence, sharing real life wins, (14:11) supporting each other in the messy middle, stay at home moms, working professionals. They (14:15) know that these workouts require very little equipment and just a few minutes of time.

And (14:22) sometimes virtual community can feel like the safest first step because you don't have to (14:27) immediately walk into a room full of strangers. You can start by reading posts, commenting, (14:33) asking a question, sharing a small win, and just letting yourself be a part of the conversation. (14:38) Second, search for local Facebook groups in your area.

So you can try things like women (14:43) new to your city or women's hiking groups or women's Bible study or local running groups or (14:48) fitness meetups near you. Moms who walk, moms in wellness, moms with babies, beginner hiking (14:54) groups, local community events. I recently saw someone in the movement with Julie community share (14:59) that she had moved to salt lake city and she found a Facebook group called women new to salt lake (15:04) city.

And the admin of the group actually organizes like group hikes where everyone is invited. Like (15:10) that's pretty cool, right? So this is kind of a perfect example of how community may already (15:15) be happening around you, but you just might have to search for it. Another thing you could do is (15:20) use Google like your little community finding assistant, right? So you can literally search (15:25) things like running clubs near me or women's meetups near me or hiking groups near me or (15:30) beginner fitness classes near me or community workouts, workout events near me, (15:36) book clubs near me, Bible studies near me, free local events this weekend, volunteer (15:40) opportunities near me.

I know that sounds almost too simple, but I think sometimes we (15:44) forget that we actually can go looking for this, right? And the more people are craving (15:50) real connection, the more these kinds of groups and meetups are popping. I know that this sounds (15:55) almost too simple, but sometimes you forget that we can actually go looking for this. And the (15:59) more people are craving real connection, the more kinds of groups and meetups are popping up.

(16:04) Fourth, I want you to pay attention to the places that you already go, (16:08) whether that's coffee shops or a fitness studio, a church, maybe you do work out at a gym, (16:13) a coworking space, a library, a wellness center, parks, community boards, things like that, (16:18) even small businesses, they have flyers or announcements for events happening nearby. (16:23) You might see a women's walk club or a charity 5K or a Bible study or a craft night or a local (16:28) workshop, a mom meetup, a baby in me day or a hiking day or beginner friendly fitness class, (16:34) whatever it is. I know again, that can feel vulnerable to go, but remember that a lot (16:38) of people showing up to those events are looking for the exact same thing that you are, (16:42) which is just connection.

Fifth, try a community that's built around movement, (16:46) even if fitness is not the only thing that you're looking for. This could be a running club, (16:50) a walking club, hiking club, dance class, pickleball league, Pilates studio, (16:55) strength training class, recreational sports team. I know softball is huge in the summertime, (17:00) a local gym event.

The beautiful thing about movement-based community is that it (17:04) gives you something to do together. You don't have to force conversation out of thin air. (17:08) You're walking, you're moving, you're lifting, you're playing softball, you're stretching, (17:12) you're hiking, you're doing something alongside of other people and connection can grow naturally (17:17) from there.

And lastly, do not underestimate the power of just inviting one person in. (17:22) Community does not have to start with a group of 20 women. It can start with texting one (17:27) friend and saying, hey, do you want to go on a walk once a week or asking someone from (17:30) your gym or from your church? Like, hey, do you want to do the same class that we did (17:35) this week? Or do we want to meet up for coffee after service like next week? Or even just (17:40) messaging someone in a Facebook room saying, hey, I'm new.

Do you want to check out this (17:44) meetup together? Sometimes we're waiting to be invited when the first step might be becoming (17:49) the person who actually sends the invitation. And listen, I get it. I know this can feel (17:54) uncomfortable at first.

Putting yourself out there will always feel uncomfortable, (17:57) but finding your people is allowed to be a little awkward in the beginning. (18:02) And that does not mean that you are doing it wrong. It just means that you're practicing (18:05) something that many of us have not had to practice in a long time.

So if you're looking for community, (18:11) start small. Join the virtual group. Search the local Facebook group.

Google the meetup. (18:16) Check the coffee board. Try the walking club.

Go to the class and invite one person (18:19) because community does not always appear fully formed. Sometimes you build it one tiny, (18:25) brave step at a time. Six, finding your people is part of the work.

And I want to (18:30) close this episode by driving this one home. We talk about workout programs as non-negotiable. (18:36) We talk about nutrition as non-negotiable.

We treat the physical inputs of health (18:40) with real seriousness and real intention. And then we treat community like it's something that (18:44) we'll do eventually. We'll get to eventually after everything else is sorted and life slows (18:50) down.

But if community genuinely changes what is happening in your nervous system, (18:55) it is one of the strongest predictors of whether you actually stay consistent long term. (18:59) If it reduces the shame that makes women disappear instead of reaching out, (19:04) then treating it as a someday thing is leaving one of the most powerful tools that you have (19:09) completely unused. Finding people who are moving in the same direction as you, (19:13) that changes your outcome, right? And if it deserves the same intentionality that you (19:18) bring to your workouts and your nutrition, again, I know putting yourself out there can feel (19:23) vulnerable.

Joining something new can feel vulnerable. Showing up as a beginner. (19:27) Being seen before you feel like you've earned it, that can be uncomfortable.

None of that (19:33) is going to feel comfortable at first, but the discomfort of joining is temporary and (19:37) the cost of staying isolated is not. You were never designed to do hard things alone. (19:42) And the best part is you don't have to, right? Your plan matters.

The program matters, (19:46) but the people matter just as much. Okay, let's quickly recap what we talked about. (19:51) Consistency is not purely a discipline problem.

Doing hard things alone puts a real ceiling (19:56) on what is possible long-term. Genuine community lowers cortisol, reduces shame, (20:02) and creates the nervous system safely that makes showing up feel sustainable. (20:07) Social connection is one of the strongest predictors of whether you maintain healthy (20:11) behaviors over time.

It's really stronger than willpower and it's definitely stronger (20:15) than motivation. Passive consumption of fitness content is not community. Being seen, (20:21) being known, and being supported is what is actually going to drive behavior change.

(20:26) The right community does not hold you accountable through pressure. It holds you accountable (20:31) through belonging. Community is happening all around you.

You just need to do a little bit (20:36) of digging to find it and be willing to experience some trial and error along the way. And last but (20:41) not least, finding your people is not a someday task. It's part of the work right now alongside (20:45) everything else.

If today's episode connected with you, I know you'll also love episode 567, (20:51) why your brain is wired for comparison and how to unplug it. It really does pair well with what (20:57) we talked about in today around kind of scrolling and why it leaves so many of us feeling worse, (21:01) not better. So I'll go ahead and link that in the show notes below.

And again, if you want (21:05) to be a part of a community who are genuinely doing this alongside one another, we are doing (21:10) this motherhood thing. We're doing this working in the, being a working professional. We're doing (21:15) this motherhood thing.

We're doing this move in with some dumbbells thing. You got to check out (21:19) my move with Julie app and community. If you are a brand new subscriber, your first month is 50% off (21:24) and the link is in the show notes.

And if you are returning subscriber, just shoot me a message (21:29) in the app and I will get you $5 off your first month back. If you also want to commit as an (21:34) annual subscriber, I have a four months free sale going on right now. So all of that can be found (21:40) at sale.movementwithjulie.com. Unless you are a returning subscriber and you want to sign up (21:45) monthly, just shoot me a message in the app and we'll get you taken care of.

That is all that I (21:49) have for today's episode. I love you so much. I mean it.

And I'll talk to you in the next one. (22:03) All right, sister, that's all I got for you today. But I have two things that I need you to do.

(22:09) First thing, if you're not already following me on the gram, be sure to do so Julie A. (22:13) Ledbetter. Yes, it's with an A in the middle for that daily post-workout real talk, (22:18) healthy tips and tricks, and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. (22:22) The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple podcasts to never miss an episode.

(22:28) Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world. And I'm going to leave you with (22:33) one last thought.

The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are (22:38) completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty (22:44) goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and embrace your real because you're worth it.

 
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