Why Your Brain Is Wired for Comparison & How to Unplug It

 

Hey beautiful human đź’›

Let’s talk about something that messes with all of us: comparison.

You’re feeling good, you’re proud of your progress… and then one scroll later, you see someone else’s abs, perfect kitchen, or gym PR, and suddenly, you’re second-guessing everything.

Sound familiar?

In today’s episode, I’m breaking down why your brain does this (yes, there’s science behind it), how it messes with your confidence, and most importantly, three mindset shifts that’ll help you stop spiraling and start showing up for yourself with more clarity, grace, and strength.

Inside the episode, I share:

  • Why comparison is literally hardwired into your brain, and how social media hijacks that

  • The difference between inputs and outcomes (and why most comparisons aren’t even fair)

  • How to shift from self-judgment to self-growth using admiration

  • Why your worth can’t be outsourced to likes, progress pics, or anyone else’s approval

  • And how to build a stronger self-image that’s rooted in how you live, not how you look

This episode isn’t about surface-level “just stop comparing yourself” advice, it’s a deep reset on how you think, what you focus on, and how you start showing up with more intention in your own life.

And if this one resonated with you, you’ll want to listen to Episode 336: 3 Unconventional Ways to Overcome the Comparison Game next.

If you want more from me, be sure to check out… 

Transcript

00:00 -

Hey, hey, beautiful human, Can I steal five minutes of your time? I have something super important to share with you, but I promise I'll be really quick. You're listening to my weekly bonus episode of Embrace your Real with me, julie Ledbetter. I'm about to give you a quick tip for building your confidence, honoring your body and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned. If you're ready to embrace your real, let's get it. Let's go. Hello and welcome back to another bonus episode on the Embrace your Real podcast.

00:36

Let's talk about something that sneaks up on all of us, and that is comparison. You scroll social. You see someone else's progress, their core, their clean kitchen, their. I woke up like this selfie and suddenly what you were proud of five minutes ago doesn't feel good enough anymore. Been there, felt that, and I want to lovingly call it out today, because comparison kills confidence, it distorts our progress, it clouds our self-worth and it distracts us from what actually matters. So in this episode of Embrace your Real, I want to give you three strategies that help you shift from comparison to compassion, because that's what builds a healthier self-image not fluffy affirmations, not just love yourself more, but real shifts that actually work when your brain starts to spiral. I wanna share what's actually helped me stop spiraling into comparison and start rooting deeper into compassion real, practical shifts that you can use the next time that you catch yourself stuck in that scroll. By the end of this episode, you will walk away with three powerful mindset shifts to help you stop comparing your journey to someone else's real strategy for building a healthier self-image, without chasing perfection or praise. Science-backed tools to reframe how you see your body and treat it with more care. A reminder that your worth was never supposed to come from likes, followers or someone else's before or after photo. And, last but not least, an encouragement to stop outsourcing your confidence and start anchoring it with how you show up for yourself.

02:02

Before we dive in, though, I want to share this review. It comes from Speak and Act in Faith. She gave a five-star review and said uplifting. I have recently come across your podcast and I have seen a complete mindset shift. I love your uppy personality. That makes me also want to be more positive and talk more positively to myself and about my body. I've also shared this podcast with a dear friend and she told me she's also loving it. Thank you so much for your mindset shift and thank you for showing up. Thank you so much. I'm so grateful that this podcast is helping you. Again, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to send in this review too. I know that you guys are busy, and so when you guys take time to write a review, it really does mean the world to me and our team Just kind of know how this podcast is helping you, whether it's a specific episode or a podcast in general.

02:47

Okay, so I want to start off by discussing the science of comparison. So our brains are wired for social comparison. It's part of how we survived and evolved, like in early human history. Knowing where we stood in the group helped us to stay safe, avoid conflict and maintain social bonds. It was less about vanity and more about survival. Like am I doing okay, do I belong? Am I keeping up? But in today's world, especially in the age of social media, this ancient wiring can backfire like hard.

03:16

Like platforms like Instagram and TikTok are built around curation, not real life. We're constantly exposed to highlight reels the fittest bodies, most aesthetic meals, the happiest families, the dreamiest vacations and, without even realizing it, we start comparing our messy, unfiltered lives to someone else's carefully edited version of theirs, and this is called upward comparison. When we compare ourselves to people we perceive as better off, and while it can sometimes spark motivation, research has shown that more often it actually chips away at our self-esteem Over time. Frequent upward comparison is linked to higher levels of anxiety, lower satisfaction with our own lives and even depressive symptoms. So, yes, it's normal to compare. It's literally how we're wired. But in the age of endless scrolls and algorithm-driven perfection, we need new tools to protect our mental and emotional health, because we're not going to stop seeing other people's lives and we can't completely shut off that part of our brain that compares. But we can learn how to shift the way that we respond. So let's talk about how to navigate this, because comparison isn't going anywhere, but we can choose to use it differently, not as a source of shame, but as a path back to ourselves. So we need to learn how to navigate this right. We can't walk away from this, so let's talk about how we can actually deal with it. Number one mindset shift.

04:41

Look at the input, not just the outcome. This is a big one, because most of the time, we're comparing someone else's highlight reel to our behind the scenes reality. You see her toned core, her transformation photo her. I just ran five miles and still made a protein waffle moment on Instagram and suddenly your slow morning or your skipped workout, or you're just messy house that you can't even get a egg cooked. You feel like a failure. But what we're not seeing here is her inputs. We're not seeing her sleep routine. We don't know if she has a nanny or a night nurse or she's navigating those three under three with zero help. We don't know if she has a personal trainer. We don't know if she has a flexible job or a partner who preps all of her meals or she's just genetically built different. We don't know if she's healing through something, managing anxiety, spending every night doom scrolling like the rest of us. When we look at someone's outcome without knowing their inputs, we're playing a game that was rigged from the start. Let me say that again when we only look at someone's outcome without knowing their inputs, we are playing a game that was rigged from the start.

05:50

So the next time that you find yourself spiraling into why don't I look like her, especially my postpartum ladies I am talking to you. I want you to pause and I want you to ask yourself do I know what she's carrying behind the scenes. Would I actually want to swap lives with her or do I just want one filtered moment? Because nine times out of 10, you will realize, the comparison doesn't even make sense. You're judging your entire reality based on someone else's best angle, with perfect lighting, and that's not only unfair, that is exhausting. So, instead of spiraling into shame, I want you to zoom out, I want you to breathe, I want you to remind yourself her path is not your path and your worth has never been dependent on looking like someone else.

06:34

Mindset shift. Number two less comparison, more admiration. One of the most unheard of tips for breaking your need to compare yourself to others is to start tracking what you admire in other people. Then look how those same traits already exist within you. Like seriously, every time you catch yourself thinking, oh, I just wish I had her discipline or she's so confident I could never pause, write it down and then ask yourself where have I already shown up with that same quality, even just once? Because here's the truth. Comparison won't help you reach your goals, but admiration will. Comparison says she has something that I don't. Admiration says she's showing me what is possible, and that shift changes everything.

07:19

The things that you admire in others aren't meant to make you feel small. They're mirrors, they're clues, they're reminders of the version of you that's still unfolding. Comparison keeps you stuck in lack. Admiration pulls you into expansion. So the next time that you scroll past someone crushing it in their career or their motherhood, or lifting at the gym or at their house, or showing up with big energy and confidence, don't shrink, don't spiral. Ask yourself what does this bring up within me, what can I learn and where have I done this in my own way? And that's how you will grow without tearing yourself down. That's how you will use other people's wins to fuel your own. Comparison keeps you focused on what you aren't. Admiration reminds you of what you're becoming, so let it guide you, not stop you Mindset shift.

08:08

Number three is stop outsourcing your self-worth. You are not more valuable because you weigh less. You are not more lovable because your body looks more toned. You are definitely not more worthy just because someone else left a fire emoji on your progress photo. Your worth that was never meant to be measured by a scale, a size or how closely you match with someone else's highlight reel. But in a world that constantly tells you otherwise, comparison becomes second nature. You scroll, you compare, you shrink your wins because someone else's wins seem bigger. You wonder if I just look like her, maybe I'd finally feel good in my body too.

08:48

But here's the truth that breaks the cycle If you tie your self-worth to someone else's approval or how you stack up next to their body or progress or life, you will always feel like you are not enough. Because the standard keeps moving, the algorithm keeps shifting and that constant measuring, it drains you, it disconnects you from your own journey. But when you stop looking outward and start tuning in, when you anchor your worth on God and what he says, and how you treat your body and how you speak to your body and how you show up for yourself, even when no one else is watching, that is when comparison trap. That's when the comparison trap starts to lose its grip, because your worth is no longer something that you chase, it's something that you live from. That's when you choose food that fuels you, not to match someone else's plan, but because you deserve the energy. That's when you rest, not because you're lazy, but because your body matters, not just how it looks, but how it feels. That's when you lift weights because it reminds you of your own strength, not because you're trying to catch up. You don't need to become someone else to feel good in your skin. You need to come home to your body, to your needs, and that is truth. And the moment that you do that, the noise fades, the pressure lifts, the jealousy softens into inspiration, because you realize that her wins don't take away from yours. You are not a before and after photo. You are a whole human being right now and your worth is not up for comparison. All right, let's quickly recap what we covered today.

10:28

Mindset shift number one Look at the input, not just the outcome. So stop comparing someone else's highlight reel to your behind the scenes. You don't know what the resources, the support, the struggles that they have. So stop judging your worth based on their outcome. That's not helpful, it's just unrealistic. Mindset shift number two less comparison, more admiration. What you admire in others is often a reflection of something inside of you that's ready to grow. Shift from why don't I have that? To she's showing me what's possible, because admiration expands and comparison shrinks. And last but not least, mindset shift number three stop outsourcing your self-worth. Your worth doesn't live in someone else's approval, their body or progress voter. It lives in how you can show up for yourself. When you stop chasing validation and you start anchoring into how you care for your body, the comparison trap starts to fall apart.

11:25

If you love this episode, I know you will also love episode 336, three unconventional ways to overcome the comparison game. I will go ahead and link that in the show notes that you can easily go check that out, but that is all that I have for today's episode. If this episode encouraged you, would you consider sharing it with a friend or leaving a quick review? It helps more than you know and it means the world to me and our team. I love you so dang much. I mean it and I'll talk to you in the next one.

12:05

All right, sister, that's all I got for you today, but I have two things that I need you to do. First thing if you are not already following me on the gram, be sure to do so. Julie A Ledbetter yes, it's with an a in the middle for that daily post-workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world, and I'm going to leave you with one last thought the most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and embrace your real, because you're worth it. Bye.

 
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